Unexpected Freedom

‘… and I know I should let go’conditioned phenomena can be eternal. If there is a hell –and probably there is – it’s not a permanent condition. Butwhen we get stuck, get locked into fear, it feels like, ‘I’m goingto be lonely forever’ or ‘I’m going to be full of resentmentforever.’ We can’t let go of these things if we’re committedto our habit of holding. However, if we do, little by little,gradually prepare ourselves, and practise regularly in asensitive, mindful way then the strength of mindfulness cansustain us in a hellish situation.These apparent realities, such as fear and loneliness, canbe received into our awareness, but we have to be willing toallow them. The Buddha’s teaching of how to come to the endof suffering requires us to have this willingness. When weallow these experiences to happen without turning awayfrom them, it doesn’t make them feel anything other thanwhat they are. Fear is still fear, loneliness is still loneliness,and disappointment always feels disappointing. It is the waywe relate to these experiences that changes.So, to answer the question, ‘How do I let go?’: It iscertainly not a matter of ‘I should let go’, of trying to makeourselves let go. Instead we turn our attention inwardstowards our feelings and thoughts, and intelligently,carefully, consider, ‘What is the experience of holding on?Do I really want to hold on?’ Part of us wants to hold on andpart of us doesn’t. If we can become aware of both aspectsand consider them patiently in a feeling manner, it is myexperience that this brings about letting go. ‘I’ didn’t do it,but it happened. To not investigate this dynamic leaves usvulnerable to heedlessly taking sides, struggling withthoughts about ‘Do I or do I not really want to let go,’desperately trying to make the right choice.Also, consider, ‘What am I getting out of holding on tothis? Am I getting anything at all useful out of it?’ Some of179