Unexpected Freedom

Unexpected Freedomin reality, we are not sure most of the time makes us muchnicer people to be with. If, out of fear of being unsure, wehold on to ideas and take fixed positions, we can becomevery rigid. If I feel sufficiently threatened in certain situations,a fear comes up and there’s an experience of contraction – arigidity kicks in, and when that kicks in, possibilities becomelimited. My mind doesn’t want to look at the myriads ofpossibilities, doesn’t want to float around and feel what’sactually going to fit. In that state of contraction andlimitation it wants to get something and feel sure. But thisdoesn’t benefit me and it doesn’t benefit other people. On theother hand, when we are able to remember that we don’tknow what is going to happen – that we don’t know forcertain – then there is a relaxation, a releasing; an opening upand a trusting, a reconnecting with a trusting relationship tolife. Life is uncertain but that is just the truth. We don’t haveto be in a perpetual state of fear because of it.There are many contemplations that aim at leading usinto a trusting relationship to life, but I think this reflection onthe fact that most of the time we don’t know what is going tohappen is especially useful. When the tendency to grasp outof fear or insecurity arises, if we have prepared ourselves, wehold back and just wait, remaining open and at the same timein touch with the sense of ‘not sure’. This was one of AjahnChah’s most regular teachings, perhaps his most regularteaching. Whatever you said to him, after he responded hewould often add, ‘but…mai neh, mai neh,’ not sure. Neh –which comes from the Pali word nicca, meaning ‘permanent’– in Thai means ‘sure’ or ‘certain’. Mai is negative. That wasreally the bottom line in all of his teaching. Whateverarrangements were being made, ‘We’re going to do this’ or‘Next week I’m going to Bangkok,’ he would regularly say ‘maineh’, ‘but not sure.’ Not because he lacked commitment – he164