Unexpected Freedom

Alone Togetherfailure. It is looked upon as an indicator – a sign. When youfeel the pain of loneliness as horrible – just as it is – it doesnot mean failure. This feeling tells you where your resourcesare, where you need to go to get your gold; so it’s somethingthat we train ourselves to welcome and look into. We aresupposed to feel lonely – at least until we realize contentmentin our aloneness. From this perspective, compulsivesocialising or any heedless activity that distracts us from anaccurate, personal, receptivity to the experience of lonelinessis seen as a hindrance.There are monastic communities in both Buddhist andnon-Buddhist traditions in which there are movementstowards socialising and group activity, but according to myunderstanding and observation of these things, invariablyeither those activities die out or the communities themselvesdie. The reason is that the monastic life is essentially solitary– it’s all about being alone. The decision to live such a life ismade for all sorts of reasons, but ultimately it needs to bemade because we find it in our nature to make that choice.It’s not right or wrong to live the monastic life or to live ahouseholder’s life. We choose whatever is appropriate forour condition – whatever supports us in our commitment tothe path of practice.Anybody who has lived the life of a monk, a nun or apostulant for any length of time knows the pain ofloneliness, but hopefully has also tasted the benefit of beingsupported by the spiritual community in their encounterwith it. The spiritual community is a very importantsupport in encouraging us to go deeper into all aspects of ourexperience – perhaps into loneliness even more than otheraspects. To try and live monastically without any supportwould be very difficult. Because of this, the Buddhaencouraged the spiritual community, the Sangha, to make a159