Unexpected Freedom

Unexpected FreedomOne of the reasons it’s easy to dwell in resentment isbecause it’s so difficult to admit that we are doing it. So wekeep on with this habit of thinking it’s somebody else’s fault.We think, ‘It’s got to be something out there that’s causingthis misery because it’s so painful, and because I’m not sucha bad person. Only a bad person would make me suffer likethis. It can’t be me.’ Well, bad news, I’m afraid. You don’thave to be a bad person to make yourself suffer. All you haveto do is be a little unaware.So one of the reasons why we find it difficult to let go –why letting go doesn’t happen – is this unfortunate habit ofunawareness or ignorance. When we feel resentful towardsother people we don’t see that we’re doing this form ofclinging. We don’t see that it’s something we’re activelyperforming. We live our lives thinking that somebody else isdoing it to us. In truth we are the authors of our experience.Added to this is the accumulated momentum of ourhabits. If we have been hanging on to something for a longtime, avoiding letting go by indulging in some particularhabit, a momentum will have built up in this holding on.When we begin to counter our habits of denial or avoidanceby taking up meditation, it is this very momentum of ourhabits that we experience as suffering. Even if we see throughit and know, ‘Oh, yes that’s what I do!’, the force of thathabitual pattern, built up over a period of time, means thatour insight into the reality of what is going on may notimmediately seem to help change the situation. Indeed, it isat this point that some people turn away from the path. Thiscontemplation is an encouragement, therefore, to resist theinclination to believe in the disappointment that inevitablycomes with finding that there is nobody else to do our housecleaning. We should instead take heart from the example ofthose who have done their work and are enjoying the170