Unexpected Freedom

Abiding as AwarenessUnexpected FreedomI’ve been living in Britain now for 20 years, and sometimes Iforget that I’m not British. But when I return from tripsabroad I have to stand, sometimes for a long time, in line atthe immigration desk along with Russians and Turks andAmericans. I hold a New Zealand passport so I’m remindedthat I am a guest here. These days I stand in the immigrationline feeling how it feels to ‘be’ an outsider. It’s veryinteresting. The perception of ‘I am …’ readily reveals itselfif we are there in time to catch it. With vigilance it’s quiteeasy. And if awareness is functioning freely in that moment,we remember that there is a bigger picture. There is muchmore to us than the idea of ‘me, a New Zealander’ or ‘me, aBuddhist’. In what are these ideas arising and ceasing? Whatwas there before the idea and associated sensations arose?And what is there after that sense has passed away?We can consider the same dynamic from a meditativeperspective. If we persist with our formal practice we canarrive at an experience of natural stillness in which we findwe are abiding quite effortlessly. There is a sense of seeing,yet there is no apparent content. We’re not thinking, ‘I am aman’ or, ‘I am an abbot.’ The mind is not disturbed bythinking or feeling or activity of any kind. And we are notasleep. What is there? For the sake of discussion we can saythat there is awareness. That doesn’t mean we’re sitting therethinking, ‘There is awareness’ – we are simply aware. We areawake and alert.As we gain confidence in sustaining such awareness, wediscover how to abide as awareness – and, at the same time,allow activity to take place. There can be thinking and feeling,but we don’t forget ourselves. If, for example, pleasurablefeeling is arising in the meditation and the thought ‘I like144