BILL CADY Word Count: 149,227 - At My Friend's Place

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Bill Cady, The Early Years … by Bill Cady 13 idea. That may tip you off to the fact I was evidently wearing black wool when I was born. I‟m apparently the black sheep of the family. <strong>My</strong> brother, David, lived across the street from Grandma on that glorious day in 1990 when I saw one of the most spectacular vistas I‟ve ever witnessed. It was a sign in my rearview mirror telling people heading the other way, Welcome To Michigan. A fantastic location to “be from”, Michigan. Not to “go to”. Bad idea, but “be from” is a real nice feeling. Seeing that glorious sign meant I was leaving what had become in my life synonymous with Hell. While I readily accept almost all the blame for putting my life in the toilet, I doubt I‟ll ever find any joy in revisiting the scene of the crime. I haven‟t spoken with David since Mom died in December, 1999, six months after my final divorce, but that‟s also a matter for later on. Most of what I‟ll share with you about the “early years” is what I was told by Mom. Of course, being an “All-American boy” at heart, if you even dare imply my Mom would tell a lie, I‟ll come to your house and beat you up. Nobody says that kinda crap about a guy‟s Mom. Nobody. It seems romance got started early for me. There was a girl who lived across the street named Susie Summers. I can attest she was virtually drop-dead beautiful, based on the fact I hit on her. Susie was my first one. Girl. After Mom, I mean. See, I‟ve also figured out the Pavlovian aspects of what women do to guys. As you saw in Chapter One, there was nothing any more important, the instant I was born, than a woman‟s breasts. They get us started early, say, at the age of two or three minutes. They keep us coming back for more until we‟re so old and frazzled we can barely take a leak with the damned thing. If you ladies stop to think about it, that‟s the same slimy ruse drug dealers use on Leviticus, Limited 33-0505963
Bill Cady, The Early Years … by Bill Cady 14 kids. Give „em a free sample for a while, then crank it up so it‟s priced like a 7-Eleven product and drain everything they have. With Susie, I was already to the next stage. No boob stuff. I wanted a kiss. From what Mom told me, I gather what I wanted wasn‟t a unanimous wish. Evidently Susie, the little absolute fox, only wanted to play and mess around. Are you beginning to see the similarity to an adult date? One more clue I very stupidly passed by was Susie‟s age. Just as it was when I was deflowered by another older woman. I was eleven when I lost my innocence, (thank you, God!), she was twelve. The brazen hussy. With Susie, I was just two. She was two and a half. Using the same ratio now, since I‟m fifty-five, it would mean the woman would be sixty-nine years old if it recurred today. Like I‟d be interested? Well, maybe if it was Joan Rivers. Millions of dollars of plastic surgery has to be accounted for somehow. I‟ll gladly admit, I still have the occasional vulgar, disgusting thought when I see that lady on TV. (You‟re most welcome, Joan. I‟d love to meet you at a Starbucks whenever we can. Have your people call my people and we‟ll set it up, you li‟l cutie). You might wonder, since it was fifty-three years ago, how I can attest Susie Summers was a fox. Well, I have proof, that‟s how I can say it. I hit on the woman. You think, even then, I‟d go after a dog? Not hardly. According to Mom, I planted one right on her mouth. Still too young to know she could get an attorney, Susie clobbered me with a pail and put a gash in my head. Mom said it took a few stitches. I don‟t recall that part, thankfully, but it must‟ve healed well. I can‟t find any bumpy scars on my head. If she‟d known about getting a lawyer, her Leviticus, Limited 33-0505963
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BILL CADY Word Count: 149,227 - At My Friend's Place

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