BILL CADY Word Count: 149,227 - At My Friend's Place

Bill Cady, The Early Years … by Bill Cady 8
Personally, I was ready to blow that pop stand. These broads in uniform were
starting to piss me off. They continued coming in where they‟d stashed me in some rag
basket, asking, “Has the Cady baby been circumcised yet?” It seemed every one of those
floozies had a needle of some kind. Neo-natal unit, my ass. They wanted me hidden so
they could assault me and not get caught.
Maybe they brought all that sharp, slicing stuff from home. I really don‟t know.
However, I couldn‟t, for the life of me, figure out how or why I‟d pissed off so many of
„em. If it was just one or two, I‟d‟ve understood. Women have their moods, and they‟re
born pissed off at guys, so a little bit of bullshit is to be expected. But, the whole crew?
C‟mon!
Yeah, I barfed on a few of „em, I guess. Turns out I wasn‟t able to get along like
the other kids on Pabulum, or whatever that crap was they tried to feed us. I‟d get some
down, they‟d burp me, and I‟d unload it on the woman‟s shoulder.
Don‟t blame me. Damn it, I already told „em about that blonde lady. Her name‟s
Mom. She‟s got a real nice set of jalobies and I never puke up her stuff. „Sides, Mom
doesn‟t jab a needle in my ass, or arm, or hand. These women just like to see me bleed.
Man, if only someone had told me about that self-defense phrase, “I‟m gonna tell Mom!”,
I‟d‟ve been screaming it all day and into the night.
So far, I‟ve talked about my problems. You see, I‟ve had a few. Okay, more than
a few. Are you always this picky? Anyway, among my later-in-life problems, I was
broke following a tragedy you‟ll hear about later. I‟d been evicted from the house I
rented, but managed to buy a house with nothing down. In a retirement community
where they don‟t allow kids! Fantastic!
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