BILL CADY Word Count: 149,227 - At My Friend's Place

Bill Cady, The Early Years … by Bill Cady 70
were bouncing around that freakin‟ tree, waking up our parents. Sleep, my ass! C‟mon,
it‟s Christmas Day! Let‟s get at the loot!
They staggered out to join us, but my old man headed for the kitchen to get a cup
of coffee. That was good, since he might hurt someone if he didn‟t get it. Mom sat us
and showed us our presents, all nicely wrapped. I had five presents. That David thing
had six. “Oh, and that one over there,” Mom told me, “is your birthday present.”
Uh-huh. My birthday present is wrapped in Christmas paper, I noticed. I have as
many presents as that David thing, if we count my birthday present, but I have one less
gift than that David thing, if we don‟t.
It stunk. The whole idea smelled to high heaven as far as I was concerned, and I
was only six years old. What kinda dummy do you guys think I am? Like I don‟t see
you moved a Christmas present over there so I can wait three days before I open the son-
of-a-bitch to be happy about it?
Will I get something three days before that David thing has his birthday in
February? I think not. Rip-off!
If they really wanted to get me a present I wanted, they could‟ve sent that David
thing to the pound, like I suggested. There‟s no way they‟d ever get their money back
after four years. Even though I knew that David thing was defective, „cause it cried and
whined and sobbed all the time like a girl, I knew they couldn‟t turn it back in. Still, the
pound finds homes for everything. Cats, even!
You‟d think, if I had to get a sister when I really wanted to be an only child, I‟d at
least get one without a peeny-weeny. Life sucks, ya know? Even when you‟re only six
years old.
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