BILL CADY Word Count: 149,227 - At My Friend's Place

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Bill Cady, The Early Years … by Bill Cady 17 was. So, I was setting up my little monarchy. I knew the rules. Who to play, how to play „em. I even had two pets, one of which may have started one of my lifelong crusades. We had Mimi, a scraggly little short haired dog. I seem to recall she was mainly white with medium brown spots and splotches. I honestly have no idea what happened to Mimi, so whatever it was must not‟ve been all that terribly traumatic. <strong>My</strong> other pet was … are you ready for this? … a cat. A gray striped cat named Bootsie. I probably loved her, but that‟s only a guess. It was a long time ago, after all. I never asked for Mimi or Bootsie, but I was glad to have „em. Every little boy wants pets, right? Well, in February, 1951, they brought home another pet. I didn‟t want this one. It became clearer by the day my parents screwed up when they bought him. Worse, he was different than Mimi and Bootsie in another way. I had no say in naming the damned thing! Talk about pissing a little kid off! Man! They brought the damned thing home, named it David, and said I had to let it sleep in my room! <strong>My</strong> goddamned room! Can you believe it? This damned David thing wasn‟t a dog. He wasn‟t a cat. He was what Mom called a “brother”. Shit! How come no one asked me if I wanted a damned brother? I‟d‟ve said “no” so fast they wouldn‟t‟ve gotten a question mark on the sentence. Hell, no! I don‟t want some damned brother! Will the hospital people take the little shit back? Can you get your money back for it? Why can‟t it sleep outside? Why‟s it gotta stay in my room? All it ever does is whine and puke and make stupid noises. Mom, take the little bastard back and get your money refunded. We don‟t need no stinking brother around here. You want a kid, you‟ve got me. What am I, chopped liver? Leviticus, Limited 33-0505963
Bill Cady, The Early Years … by Bill Cady 18 Well, I also pay attention to things. I try to keep myself educated so I can deal with life as it happens. I personally know women are actually the smarter of the two genders. That‟s because, with less physical strength than men, women learned to be sneaky. Very sneaky. In that respect, women are like cats. Sneaky, quiet, self-interested, always trying to get what they want. Hell, if women were any more like cats, they‟d spit up a hairball once in a while. As a matter of fact, there‟ve been recent studies done on women in that regard. The results of this as yet unpublished study show why men can‟t stand cats. Since cats are overbearing, self-interested, haughty and disdainful at all times, we now have the answer. Cats are actually just furry little ex-wives! Back to me paying attention to women. Doing as they do. Remember what I said about those evil bitches in the hospital? The ones with sharp blades who only wanted to get at my peenie? Slash it off before I could one day use it on a girl? Well, if a woman did it, it must be a good idea. Must make sense. Mom later told me I decided, since they wouldn‟t take that damned brother back to the hospital, to make my own changes. Having a sister wouldn‟t be a bad idea, I concluded. It would‟ve worked out fine if Mom wasn‟t so damned vigilant. She said she caught me going into the bedroom, (it was all mine before that little prick showed up!), with a huge butcher knife. She learned I planned surgery on the little shit after we had a long and involved talk. Believe it or not, that was forbidden. I couldn‟t even make modifications to the little shit to have it my way. So, did that little prick have any more surprises up his sleeve? You damned well bet he did. No sooner than they decided to let the little jerk get down on the floor, (where Leviticus, Limited 33-0505963
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BILL CADY Word Count: 149,227 - At My Friend's Place

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