Here - Health Promotion Agency

Your own life
‘It’s not talked about, is it?
Except as a sort of joke. So
you don’t know if you’ve got
a problem or not. At first,
Paula found it hurt, and it put
us both off and frightened us
a bit. We were worried
because we didn’t know
whether that was normal.’
(A FATHER)
‘The thing is everything’s on
your shoulders. When you have
to decide something, you know,
like whether or not to take him
to the doctor, or even everyday
small things, there’s nobody to
share that with. There are so
many things it’s useful to talk
about, and if you’re on your
own, you can’t. If there’s a
crisis, you’re on your own.’
‘It’s less stressful being your
own boss. There’s more
satisfaction somehow, more
achievement.There’s no one to
disagree with, no conflict over
discipline, no competition
with other adults.’
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
If you need to speak to
someone or to get help,
information or advice, you
could contact Northern Ireland
Women’s Aid Federation
(028) 9033 1818
(24-hour helpline).
128
•
Make time to relax together.
There’s little point trying to make
love when your minds are on
anything but each other.
•
Sort out contraception. It’s
possible to become pregnant again
soon after the birth of a baby, even
if you’re breastfeeding, and even if
you haven’t started your period
again. So, if you don’t want to
conceive again quickly, you need to
use some kind of contraception from
the start. Contraception is usually
discussed before you leave hospital
after your child’s birth, and at the
postnatal check-up. But you can go
at any time, before or after a checkup,
to your GP or family planning
clinic, or talk with your health visitor.
•
If your baby sleeps in the same
room as you, you may have to move
either yourselves or your baby before
you can relax enough to have sex.
•
Don’t rush. Take time.
•
If you’re still experiencing
pain two months or so after
the birth, talk to your doctor
or family planning clinic
about it. Treatment is available
for a painful episiotomy scar. Ask
to see an obstetric physiotherapist.
D OMESTIC
VIOLENCE
One in four women experience
domestic violence at some point in
their lives. This may take the form
of physical, sexual, emotional or
psychological abuse. Victims are
likely to suffer repeated attacks before
they seek protection and support.
Thirty per cent of this abuse starts in
pregnancy or after birth. Domestic
violence should not be tolerated.
It risks your health and that of your
baby before and after birth.
You can speak in confidence to
your GP, midwife, health visitor or
social worker. If you wish, they can
help you take steps to stop the abuse
or seek refuge. Or you can contact
one of the confidential helplines listed
under Domestic violence on page 148.
L ONE PARENTS
Bringing a baby into your life changes
your relationships with other people
whether you’re part of a couple or
alone with your child.
Some lone mothers feel that their
own mothers are taking over, others
resent the fact that their mothers
won’t help them more.
However painful it may be, it’s best
to try to be very clear about the kind
of help you do want, rather than
going along with what’s offered and
then feeling resentful. Remember
your mother is also having to get
used to a completely new relationship
with you and she won’t know what
to do for the best – unless you tell her!
You may find that your old friends
stop coming by or that they seem to
expect you just to drop everything
and go out for the evening. Try not
to get angry with them. They don’t
understand the changes you are going
through. Keep in touch and keep
some space for them in your life.
Friends can be more valuable than
money when the going gets tough.
But the best support will probably
come from other lone mothers.
• Suggest a ‘swap’ arrangement with
another parent so that you take it
in turns to look after both the
children, by day to begin with,
and later overnight. The children
will benefit too from having a close
friend, especially if they’ve no
brothers and sisters.