Here - Health Promotion Agency

Habits and behaviour
D EALING WITH
DIFFICULT BEHAVIOUR
‘You get a lot of advice
about how to handle your
children and I think,
because a lot of the time you
feel very unsure of yourself,
you get to think there’s
a “right” way. When you
read something, or get a
bit of advice, or see
somebody handling their
child a certain way, you
forget to stop and think,
you know, “Is that me?” ’
‘The thing is that what you
have to ask of them isn’t
always what you’d want to
ask. It’s how things are.
My husband works nights
and he has to sleep
mornings. There’s no way
round that. If the children
are noisy, he can’t sleep.’
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People have very different ideas
about good and bad behaviour.
What’s bad behaviour to you may be
accepted as normal by other parents,
and vice versa. Sometimes it’s a
matter of a particular family’s rules.
Sometimes it’s more to do with
circumstances. It’s much harder to
put up with mess if you haven’t got
much space, or with noise if the
walls are thin.
People react to their children’s
behaviour very differently. Some are
tougher than others, some are more
patient than others, and so on. It’s
not just a matter of how you decide
to be. It’s also how you are as a
person.
It’s best to set your own rules to
fit the way you live and the way you
are. And it’s best to deal with your
child’s behaviour your way. But for
all parents there will be times when
your child’s behaviour gets you
down or really worries you. There
are times when nothing you do seems
to work. What do you do then?
UNDERSTANDING
DIFFICULT BEHAVIOUR
Try to step back and do some
thinking.
Is it really a problem?
In other words, is your child’s
behaviour a problem that you feel
you must do something about? Or
might it be better just to live with it
for a while? Sometimes it’s trying to
do something about a certain sort of
behaviour that changes it from
something that’s irritating for you
into a real problem for your child.
But if a problem is causing you and
your child distress, or upsetting
family life, then you do need to do
something about it.
It’s also worth asking yourself
whether your child’s behaviour is a
problem in your eyes, or only in
other people’s. Sometimes some
kind of behaviour that you can
happily ignore, or at any rate aren’t
worried about, is turned into a
problem by other people’s comments.
Is there a reason for your child’s
difficult behaviour?
There usually is, and it’s worth
trying to work out what it is before
you do anything. Here are just some
of the possible reasons for difficult
behaviour.
• Any change in a child’s life, like
the birth of a new baby, moving
house, a change of childminder,
starting playgroup, or even a
much smaller change, can be a
big event. Sometimes children
show how they’re feeling by
being difficult.
•
If you’re upset or there are
problems in your family, your
children are likely to pick that up.
They may then become difficult
at just the time when you feel
least able to cope. If a problem is
more yours than your children’s,
don’t blame yourself for that,
but try not to blame your
children either.
• You’ll know your child’s character
and may be able to see that a
certain sort of behaviour fits that
character. For example, some
children react to stress by being
loud and noisy and wanting extra
attention, others by withdrawing
and hiding away.