Here - Health Promotion Agency

Habits and behaviour
‘When it gets too
much, I drop everything
and get out. I go and see
people, find somebody to
talk to. I’m a different
person when I’m with
other people.’
T EMPERS AND TANTRUMS
62
HELP FOR DIFFICULT
BEHAVIOUR
You can get help for
especially difficult behaviour,
so don’t feel you have to go
on coping alone. Talk to
your health visitor or GP,
or contact your local child
guidance clinic (you can
sometimes go without a
referral). Sometimes all you
need is encouraging support
to help you hold on until
the problem is over.
Your child can also be
referred to a specialist for
help. If you’ve got a special
problem, it’s right to get
special help.
Having a difficult child is
an enormous strain. You
need help too. See page 61
for more on this.
Tantrums may start around 18
months, are common around two
years, and are much less common
at four. One in five two-year-olds
has a temper tantrum at least twice
a day. One reason is that around
this age children often want to
express themselves more than they
are able. They feel frustrated and
the frustration comes out as a
tantrum. Once a child can talk
more, tantrums often lessen.
•
Tantrums tend to happen when
children are tired or hungry.
Sleep or food might be the answer.
•
If sleep or food isn’t the answer,
try to work out the reason and
tackle that. It may be frustration.
It may be something like jealousy.
More time and attention and being
extra loving, even when your child
is not so lovable, can help.
•
Even if you can’t be sure
why your child has a temper
tantrum, try to understand
and accept the anger your
child is feeling. You probably
feel the same way yourself very
often. If you think about that,
you may be better able to accept
your child’s feelings.
•
When a tantrum is starting, try
to find an instant distraction.
Find something to look at,
out of the window for example.
Make yourself sound really
surprised and interested in it.
•
If your child has a tantrum,
try sitting it out. Don’t lose your
temper or shout back. Ignore the
looks you get from people around
you. Stay as calm as you can and
try not to get involved, but don’t
give in. If you’ve said ‘no’, don’t
change your mind and say ‘yes’
just to end the tantrum. If you do
change your mind, your child will
think that tantrums pay. For the
same reason, don’t buy your way
out with sweets or treats. If you’re
at home, you could try walking
away into another room.
•
Tantrums often seem to happen
in shops. This can be really
embarrassing, and embarrassment
makes it extra hard to cope and
stay calm. Keep shopping trips
short. You could start by going