Here - Health Promotion Agency

Habits and behaviour
time he or she does something
that pleases you, make sure you
say so. We all prefer praise to
blame, and, if you give your child
lots of opportunities to see you
smile, the chances are that he or
she will learn that a happy mother
is more fun than a cross one.
•
Ask yourself whether the thing
you’re going to tell your child
off about really matters.
Sometimes it does, sometimes it
doesn’t. Having arguments about
certain things can get to be a habit.
•
When you lose your temper
because you’re tired or upset,
say you’re sorry. It’ll help you
both feel better.
•
Don’t expect too much. You
may think that sitting still and
being quiet is good behaviour.
Some children can manage this
for a while. Others find it torture
because they want to be learning
and exploring every waking
minute. If your child never keeps
still and is ‘into’ everything,
you’ll be happier giving him or
her as much opportunity as
possible to run off steam and
explore safely.
•
Don’t expect a child under the
age of three to understand and
remember what they are
allowed to do. Even after the
age of three it’s hard for a child
to remember instructions.
•
Don’t expect perfect behaviour.
If you don’t expect perfect
behaviour, then you won’t feel
so disappointed and angry if you
don’t get it. After all, if it’s all
right for you to be a less than
perfect parent, then it’s all right
for your child to be less than
perfect too. It’s just hard to live
with sometimes.
TALK ABOUT IT
It does help to talk and be with
other people, especially other
parents. It’s often true that ‘only
parents understand’. A lot look very
calm and capable from the outside
(and you may too), but alone at
home most get frustrated and angry
at times.
If you don’t already know other
parents living nearby, look on page
133 for how to find out about local
groups. Groups don’t suit everybody,
but at the very least they’re a way
of making friends. And a group
that is run by parents can often give
more than friends who haven’t got
children the same age. If one doesn’t
seem right for you it’s worth trying
a different one.
Sometimes it isn’t your child
whose mood is a problem, it’s you.
If you’re miserable, trying to be
happy for your child’s sake may
seem impossible. Read Chapter 7
for more about this.
WHEN YOU CAN’T COPE
If every day is a bad day, and you feel
that things are getting out of control,
get help. Talk to your health visitor
and/or phone a helpline (see box).
Talking to someone who understands
what you’re going through may be
the first – and biggest – step towards
making things better.
Look on pages 147–51 for
organisations that provide help
and support to new mothers.
‘I’ve just stopped asking myself
to be perfect. I’ve stopped
trying so hard. You don’t have
to be perfect, and, if you were,
I don’t think it would be that
good for your child. People
have to take me as they find
me. That goes for the children,
and it goes for people who drop
in and find yesterday’s
washing-up in the sink and a
heap of dirty washing on the
floor.’
YOU CAN TALK IN
CONFIDENCE TO:
• Parentline Plus
0808 800 2222 (or see
your local phone book)
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
•
NSPCC Helpline
0808 800 5000
www.nspcc.org.uk
In Northern Ireland
028 9035 1135
• Parents Advice Centre
(Northern Ireland)
0808 801 0722
www.pachelp.org
61