Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

103
"I went home like a maniack, after hearing the announcement of Hangelina's departur.
She'd been gone twenty hours when I heard the fatle noose. Purshoot was vain. Suppose I
DID kitch her up, they were married, and what could we do? This sensable remark I made
to Earl Bareacres, when that distragted nobleman igspawstulated with me. Er who was to
have been my mother-in-lor, the Countiss, I never from that momink sor agin. My presnts,
troosoes, juels, &c., were sent back—with the igsepshn of the diminds and Cashmear
shawl, which her Ladyship COODN'T FIND. Ony it was whispered that at the nex buthday
she was seen with a shawl IGSACKLY OF THE SAME PATTN. Let er keep it.
"Southdown was phurius. He came to me hafter the ewent, and wanted me adwance 50 lb.,
so that he might purshew his fewgitif sister—but I wasn't to be ad with that sort of
chaugh—there was no more money for THAT famly. So he went away, and gave huttrance
to his feelinx in a poem, which appeared (price 2 guineas) in the Bel Assombly.
"All the juilers, manchumakers, lacemen, coch bilders, apolstrers, hors dealers, and
weddencake makers came pawring in with their bills, haggravating feelings already
woondid beyond enjurants. That madniss didn't seaze me that night was a mussy. Fever,
fewry, and rayge rack'd my hagnized braind, and drove sleap from my throbbink ilids. Hall
night I follered Hangelinar in imadganation along the North Road. I wented cusses &
mallydickshuns on the hinfamus Silvertop. I kickd and rord in my unhuttarable whoe! I
seazed my pillar: I pitcht into it: pummld it, strangled it. Ha har! I thought it was Silvertop
writhing in my Jint grasp; and taw the hordayshis villing lim from lim in the terrible strenth
of my despare! . . . Let me drop a cutting over the memries of that night. When my boddysuvnt
came with my ot water in the mawning, the livid copse in the charnill was not payler
than the gashly De la Pluche!
"'Give me the Share-list, Mandeville,' I micanickly igsclaimed. I had not perused it for the
past 3 days, my etention being engayged elseware. Hevns & huth!—what was it I red there?
What was it that made me spring outabed as if sumbady had given me cold pig?—I red
Rewin in that Share-list—the Pannick was in full hoparation!
"Shall I describe that kitastrafy with which hall Hengland is familliar? My & rifewses to
cronnicle the misfortns which lassarated my bleeding art in Hoctober last. On the fust of
Hawgust where was I? Director of twenty-three Companies; older of scrip hall at a
primmium, and worth at least a quarter of a millium. On Lord Mare's day my Saint Helenas
quotid at 14 pm, were down at 1/2 discount; my Central Ichaboes at 3/8 discount; my Table
Mounting & Hottentot Grand Trunk, no where; my Bathershins and Derrynane Beg, of
which I'd bought 2000 for the account at 17 primmium, down to nix; my Juan Fernandez,