Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

91
"It was Mary Hann who summind the House and put an end to my phisticoughs with
Fitzwarren. I licked him and bare him no mallis: but of corse I dismist the imperent
scoundrill from my suvvis, apinting Adolphus, my page, to his post of confidenshle Valley.
"Mary Hann and her young and lovely Mrs. kep paying me continyoul visits during my
retiremint. Lady Hangelina was halways sending me messidges by her: while my exlent
friend, Lady Bareacres (on the contry) was always sending me toakns of affeckshn by
Hangelina. Now it was a coolin hi-lotium, inwented by herself, that her Ladyship would
perscribe—then, agin, it would be a booky of flowers (my favrit polly hanthuses,
pellagoniums, and jyponikys), which none but the fair &s of Hangelina could dispose about
the chamber of the hinvyleed. Ho! those dear mothers! when they wish to find a chans for a
galliant young feller, or to ixtablish their dear gals in life, what awpertunities they WILL
give a man! You'd have phansied I was so hill (on account of my black hi), that I couldnt
live exsep upon chicking and spoon-meat, and jellies, and blemonges, and that I coudnt eat
the latter dellixies (which I ebomminate onternoo, prefurring a cut of beaf or muttn to hall
the kickpshaws of France), unless Hangelina brought them. I et 'em, and sacrafised myself
for her dear sayk.
"I may stayt here that in privit convasations with old Lord B. and his son, I had mayd my
proposals for Hangelina, and was axepted, and hoped soon to be made the appiest gent in
Hengland.
"'You must break the matter gently to her,' said her hexlent father. 'You have my warmest
wishes, my dear Mr. De la Pluche, and those of my Lady Bareacres; but I am not—not
quite certain about Lady Angelina's feelings. Girls are wild and romantic. They do not see
the necessity of prudent establishments, and I have never yet been able to make Angelina
understand the embarrassments of her family. These silly creatures prate about love and a
cottage, and despise advantages which wiser heads than theirs know how to estimate.'
"'Do you mean that she aint fassanated by me?' says I, bursting out at this outrayjus ideer.
"'She WILL be, my dear sir. You have already pleased her,—your admirable manners must
succeed in captivating her, and a fond father's wishes will be crowned on the day in which
you enter our family.'
"'Recklect, gents,' says I to the 2 lords,—'a barging's a barging—I'll pay hoff Southdown's
Jews, when I'm his brother. As a STRAYNGER'—(this I said in a sarcastickle toan)—'I
wouldn't take such a LIBBATY. When I'm your suninlor I'll treble the valyou of your
estayt. I'll make your incumbrinces as right as a trivit, and restor the ouse of Bareacres to its
herly splender. But a pig in a poak is not the way of transacting bisniss imployed by Jeames
De la Pluche, Esquire.'