Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

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colored mane, and that I gripped firm: riding, by the blessing of luck, safe through the
walking, the trotting, the galloping, and never so much as getting a tumble.
There was a chap at Croydon very well known as the "Spicy Dustman," who, when he
could get no horse to ride to the hounds, turned regularly out on his donkey; and on this
occasion made one of us. He generally managed to keep up with the dogs by trotting
quietly through the cross-roads, and knowing the country well. Well, having a good guess
where the hounds would find, and the line that sly Reynolds (as they call the fox) would
take, the Spicy Dustman turned his animal down the lane from Squashtail to Cutshins
Common; across which, sure enough, came the whole hunt. There's a small hedge and a
remarkably fine ditch here: some of the leading chaps took both, in gallant style; others
went round by a gate, and so would I, only I couldn't; for Trumpeter would have the hedge,
and be hanged to him, and went right for it.
Hoop! if ever you DID try a leap! Out go your legs, out fling your arms, off goes your hat;
and the next thing you feel—that is, I did—is a most tremendous thwack across the chest,
and my feet jerked out of the stirrups: me left in the branches of a tree; Trumpeter gone
clean from under me, and walloping and floundering in the ditch underneath. One of the
stirrup-leathers had caught in a stake, and the horse couldn't get away: and neither of us, I
thought, ever WOULD have got away: but all of a sudden, who should come up the lane
but the Spicy Dustman!
"Holloa!" says I, "you gent, just let us down from this here tree!"
"Lor'!" says he, "I'm blest if I didn't take you for a robin."
"Let's down," says I; but he was all the time employed in disengaging Trumpeter, whom he
got out of the ditch, trembling and as quiet as possible. "Let's down," says I. "Presently,"
says he; and taking off his coat, he begins whistling and swishing down Trumpeter's sides
and saddle; and when he had finished, what do you think the rascal did?—he just quietly
mounted on Trumpeter's back, and shouts out, "Git down yourself, old Bearsgrease; you've
only to drop! I'LL give your 'oss a hairing arter them 'ounds; and you—vy, you may ride
back my pony to Tuggeridgeweal!" And with this, I'm blest if he didn't ride away, leaving
me holding, as for the dear life, and expecting every minute the branch would break.
It DID break too, and down I came into the slush; and when I got out of it, I can tell you I
didn't look much like the Venuses or the Apollor Belvidearis what I used to dress and
titivate up for my shop window when I was in the hairdressing line, or smell quite so
elegant as our rose-oil. Faugh! what a figure I was!