Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

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Well, immediately after the capture of this important fortress, Perron, who had been the life
and soul of Scindiah's army, came in to us, with his family and treasure, and was passed
over to the French settlements at Chandernagur. Bourquien took his command, and against
him we now moved. The morning of the 11th of September found us upon the plains of
Delhi.
It was a burning hot day, and we were all refreshing ourselves after the morning's march,
when I, who was on the advanced piquet along with O'Gawler of the King's Dragoons, was
made aware of the enemy's neighborhood in a very singular manner. O'Gawler and I were
seated under a little canopy of horse-cloths, which we had formed to shelter us from the
intolerable heat of the sun, and were discussing with great delight a few Manilla cheroots,
and a stone jar of the most exquisite, cool, weak, refreshing sangaree. We had been playing
cards the night before, and O'Gawler had lost to me seven hundred rupees. I emptied the
last of the sangaree into the two pint tumblers out of which we were drinking, and holding
mine up, said, "Here's better luck to you next time, O'Gawler!"
As I spoke the words—whish!—a cannon-ball cut the tumbler clean out of my hand, and
plumped into poor O'Gawler's stomach. It settled him completely, and of course I never got
my seven hundred rupees. Such are the uncertainties of war!
To strap on my sabre and my accoutrements—to mount my Arab charger—to drink off
what O'Gawler had left of the sangaree—and to gallop to the General, was the work of a
moment. I found him as comfortably at tiffin as if he were at his own house in London.
"General," said I, as soon as I got into his paijamahs (or tent), "you must leave your lunch if
you want to fight the enemy."
"The enemy—psha! Mr. Gahagan, the enemy is on the other side of the river."
"I can only tell your Excellency that the enemy's guns will hardly carry five miles, and that
Cornet O'Gawler was this moment shot dead at my side with a cannon-ball."
"Ha! is it so?" said his Excellency, rising, and laying down the drumstick of a grilled
chicken. "Gentlemen, remember that the eyes of Europe are upon us, and follow me!"
Each aide-de-camp started from table and seized his cocked hat; each British heart beat
high at the thoughts of the coming melee. We mounted our horses and galloped swiftly
after the brave old General; I not the last in the train, upon my famous black charger.
It was perfectly true, the enemy were posted in force within three miles of our camp, and
from a hillock in the advance to which we galloped, we were enabled with our telescopes to
see the whole of his imposing line. Nothing can better describe it than this:—