Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

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my TRENT VALLY, for it was the prophit I got from that exlent line, which injuiced me to
ingage him.
"Besides my North British Plate and Breakfast equipidge—I have two handsom suvvices
for dinner—the goold plate for Sundays, and the silver for common use. When I ave a great
party, 'Trent,' I say to my man, 'we will have the London and Bummingham plate to-day
(the goold), or else the Manchester and Leeds (the silver).' I bought them after realizing on
the abuf lines, and if people suppose that the companys made me a presnt of the plate, how
can I help it?
"In the sam way I say, 'Trent, bring us a bottle of Bristol amid Hexeter!' or, 'Put some
Heastern Counties in hice!' HE knows what I mean: it's the wines I bought upon the
hospicious tummination of my connexshn with those two railroads.
"So strong, indeed, as this abbit become, that being asked to stand Godfather to the
youngest Miss Diddle last weak, I had her christened (provisionally) Rosamell—from the
French line of which I am Director; and only the other day, finding myself rayther unwell,
'Doctor,' says I to Sir Jeames Clark, 'I've sent to consult you because my Midlands are out
of horder; and I want you to send them up to a premium.' The Doctor lafd, and I beleave
told the story subsquintly at Buckinum P-ll-s.
"But I will trouble you no father. My sole objict in writing has been to CLEAR MY
CARRATER—to show that I came by my money in a honrable way: that I'm not ashaymd
of the manner in which I gayned it, and ham indeed grateful for my good fortune.
"To conclude, I have ad my podigree maid out at the Erald Hoffis (I don't mean the
Morning Erald), and have took for my arms a Stagg. You are corrict in stating that I am of
hancient Normin famly. This is more than Peal can say, to whomb I applied for a barnetcy;
but the primmier being of low igstraction, natrally stickles for his horder. Consurvative
though I be, I MAY CHANGE MY OPINIONS before the next Election, when I intend to
hoffer myself as a Candydick for Parlymint.
"Meanwhile, I have the honor to be, Sir,
"Your most obeajnt Survnt,
"FITZ-JAMES DE LA PLUCHE."
THE DIARY.
One day in the panic week, our friend Jeames called at our office, evidently in great
perturbation of mind and disorder of dress. He had no flower in his button-hole; his yellow