Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

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until he had seized upon the principal jewels, and likewise put out the eyes of the last of the
unfortunate family of Afrasiab. Scindiah came to the rescue of the sightless Shah Allum,
and though he destroyed his oppressor, only increased his slavery; holding him in as painful
a bondage as he had suffered under the tyrannous Afghan.
As long as these heroes were battling among themselves, or as long rather as it appeared
that they had any strength to fight a battle, the British Government, ever anxious to see its
enemies by the ears, by no means interfered in the contest. But the French Revolution broke
out, and a host of starving sans-culottes appeared among the various Indian States, seeking
for military service, and inflaming the minds of the various native princes against the
British East India Company. A number of these entered into Scindiah's ranks: one of them,
Perron, was commander of his army; and though that chief was as yet quite engaged in his
hereditary quarrel with Jeswunt Row Holkar, and never thought of an invasion of the
British territory, the Company all of a sudden discovered that Shah Allum, his sovereign,
was shamefully ill-used, and determined to re-establish the ancient splendor of his throne.
Of course it was sheer benevolence for poor Shah Allum that prompted our governors to
take these kindly measures in his favor. I don't know how it happened that, at the end of the
war, the poor Shah was not a whit better off than at the beginning; and that though Holkar
was beaten, and Scindiah annihilated, Shah Allum was much such a puppet as before.
Somehow, in the hurry and confusion of this struggle, the oyster remained with the British
Government, who had so kindly offered to dress it for the Emperor, while his Majesty was
obliged to be contented with the shell.
The force encamped at Kanouge bore the title of the Grand Army of the Ganges and the
Jumna; it consisted of eleven regiments of cavalry and twelve battalions of infantry, and
was commanded by General Lake in person.
Well, on the 1st of September we stormed Perron's camp at Allyghur; on the fourth we took
that fortress by assault; and as my name was mentioned in general orders, I may as well
quote the Commander-in-Chief's words regarding me—they will spare me the trouble of
composing my own eulogium:—
"The Commander-in-Chief is proud thus publicly to declare his high sense of the gallantry
of Lieutenant Gahagan, of the —— cavalry. In the storming of the fortress, although
unprovided with a single ladder, and accompanied but by a few brave men, Lieutenant
Gahagan succeeded in escalading the inner and fourteenth wall of the place. Fourteen
ditches lined with sword-blades and poisoned chevaux-de-frise, fourteen walls bristling
with innumerable artillery and as smooth as looking-glasses, were in turn triumphantly
passed by that enterprising officer. His course was to be traced by the heaps of slaughtered
enemies lying thick upon the platforms; and alas! by the corpses of most of the gallant men