Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

93
"'What a sacrifice!' says she; 'it's like Napoleon giving up Josephine. What anguish it must
cause to your susceptible heart!'
"'It does,' says I—'Hagnies!' (Another laff.)
"'And if—if I don't accept you—you will invade the States of the Emperor, my papa, and I
am to be made the sacrifice and the occasion of peace between you!'
"'I don't know what you're eluding to about Joseyfeen and Hemperors your Pas; but I know
that your Pa's estate is over hedaneers morgidged; that if some one don't elp him, he's no
better than an old pawper; that he owes me a lot of money; and that I'm the man that can
sell him up hoss & foot; or set him up agen—THAT'S what I know, Lady Hangelina,' says
I, with a hair as much as to say, 'Put THAT in your ladyship's pipe and smoke it.'
"And so I left her, and nex day a serting fashnable paper enounced—
"'MARRIAGE IN HIGH LIFE.—We hear that a matrimonial union is on the tapis between
a gentleman who has made a colossal fortune in the Railway World, and the only daughter
of a noble earl, whose estates are situated in D-ddles-x. An early day is fixed for this
interesting event.'"
"Contry to my expigtations (but when or ow can we reckn upon the fealinx of wimming?)
Mary Hann didn't seem to be much efected by the hideer of my marridge with Hangelinar. I
was rayther disapinted peraps that the fickle young gal reckumsiled herself so easy to give
me hup, for we Gents are creechers of vannaty after all, as well as those of the hopsit secks;
and betwigst you and me there WAS mominx, when I almost wisht that I'd been borne a
Myommidn or Turk, when the Lor would have permitted me to marry both these sweet
beinx, wherehas I was now condemd to be appy with ony one.
"Meanwild everythink went on very agreeable betwigst me and my defianced bride. When
we came back to town I kemishnd Mr. Showery the great Hoctionear to look out for a town
maushing sootable for a gent of my qualaty. I got from the Erald Hoffis (not the Mawning
Erald—no, no, I'm not such a Mough as to go THERE for ackrit infamation) an account of
my famly, my harms and pedigry.
"I hordered in Long Hacre, three splendid equipidges, on which my arms and my adord
wife's was drawn & quartered; and I got portricks of me and her paynted by the sellabrated
Mr. Shalloon, being resolved to be the gentleman in all things, and knowing that my
character as a man of fashn wasn't compleat unless I sat to that dixtinguished Hartist. My
likenis I presented to Hangelina. It's not considered flattring—and though SHE parted with
it, as you will hear, mighty willingly, there's ONE young lady (a thousand times
handsomer) that values it as the happle of her hi.