Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

90
flour-garding, who should I see in the summerouse, but Mary Hann pretending to em an
ankyshr and Mr. Fitzwarren paying his cort to her?
"'You may as well have me, Mary Hann,' says he. 'I've saved money. We'll take a publichouse
and I'll make a lady of you. I'm not a purse-proud ungrateful fellow like Jeames—
who's such a snob ('such a SNOB' was his very words!) that I'm ashamed to wait on him—
who's the laughing stock of all the gentry and the housekeeper's room too—try a MAN,'
says he—'don't be taking on about such a humbug as Jeames.'
"Here young Joe the keaper's sun, who was carrying my bagg, bust out a laffing thereby
causing Mr. Fitwarren to turn round and intarupt this polite convasation.
"I was in such a rayge. 'Quit the building, Mary Hann,' says I to the young woman—and
you, Mr. Fitzwarren, have the goodness to remain.'
"'I give you warning,' roars he, looking black, blue, yaller—all the colors of the ranebo.
"'Take off your coat, you imperent, hungrateful scoundrl,' says I.
"'It's not your livery,' says he.
"'Peraps you'll understand me, when I take off my own,' says I, unbuttoning the
motherapurls of the MacWhirter tartn. 'Take my jackit, Joe,' says I to the boy,—and put
myself in a hattitude about which there was NO MISTAYK.
"He's 2 stone heavier than me—and knows the use of his ands as well as most men; but in a
fite, BLOOD'S EVERYTHINK: the Snobb can't stand before the gentleman; and I should
have killed him, I've little doubt, but they came and stopt the fite betwigst us before we'd
had more than 2 rounds.
"I punisht the raskle tremenjusly in that time, though; and I'm writing this in my own sittnroom,
not being able to come down to dinner on account of a black-eye I've got, which is
sweld up and disfiggrs me dreadfl."
"On account of the hoffle black i which I reseaved in my rangcounter with the hinfimus
Fitzwarren, I kep my roomb for sevral days, with the rose-colored curtings of the apartmint
closed, so as to form an agreeable twilike; and a light-bloo sattin shayd over the injard
pheacher. My woons was thus made to become me as much as pawsable; and (has the
Poick well observes 'Nun but the Brayv desuvs the Fare') I cumsoled myself in the sasiaty
of the ladies for my tempory disfiggarment.