Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

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"Law! Mr. Gahagan," said Mrs. Colonel Vandegobbleschroy, "give me the hamsandwiches—I
must manage to breakfast off them."
And you should have heard the pretty to-do there was at this modest proposition! Of course
I did not accede to it—why should I? I was the commander of the fort, and intended to keep
these three very sandwiches for the use of myself and my dear Belinda. "Ladies," said I,
"there are in this fort one hundred and twenty-six souls, and this is all the food which is to
last us during the siege. Meat there is none—of drink there is a tolerable quantity; and at
one o'clock punctually, a glass of wine and one olive shall be served out to each woman:
the men will receive two glasses, and an olive and a fig—and this must be your food during
the siege. Lord Lake cannot be absent more than three days; and if he be—why, still there
is a chance—why do I say a chance?—a CERTAINTY of escaping from the hands of these
ruffians."
"Oh, name it, name it, dear Captain Gahagan!" screeched the whole covey at a breath.
"It lies," answered I, "in the POWDER MAGAZINE. I will blow this fort, and all it
contains, to atoms, ere it becomes the prey of Holkar."
The women, at this, raised a squeal that might have been heard in Holkar's camp, and
fainted in different directions; but my dear Belinda whispered in my ear, "Well done, thou
noble knight! bravely said, my heart's Goliah!" I felt I was right: I could have blown her up
twenty times for the luxury of that single moment! "And now, ladies," said I, "I must leave
you. The two chaplains will remain with you to administer professional consolation—the
other gentlemen will follow me up stairs to the ramparts, where I shall find plenty of work
for them."
CHAPTER VII.
THE ESCAPE.
Loth as they were, these gentlemen had nothing for it but to obey, and they accordingly
followed me to the ramparts, where I proceeded to review my men. The fort, in my
absence, had been left in command of Lieutenant Macgillicuddy, a countryman of my own
(with whom, as may be seen in an early chapter of my memoirs, I had an affair of honor);
and the prisoner Bobbachy Bahawder, whom I had only stunned, never wishing to kill him,
had been left in charge of that officer. Three of the garrison (one of them a man of the
Ahmednuggar Irregulars, my own body-servant, Ghorumsaug above named,) were
appointed to watch the captive by turns, and never leave him out of their sight. The
lieutenant was instructed to look to them and to their prisoner, and as Bobbachy was