Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

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A ROMANCE UPON ROMANCE.
BY MR. MICHAEL ANGELO TITMARSH.
CHAPTER I.
THE OVERTURE.—COMMENCEMENT OF THE BUSINESS.
Well-beloved novel-readers and gentle patronesses of romance, assuredly it has often
occurred to every one of you, that the books we delight in have very unsatisfactory
conclusions, and end quite prematurely with page 320 of the third volume. At that epoch of
the history it is well known that the hero is seldom more than thirty years old, and the
heroine by consequence some seven or eight years younger; and I would ask any of you
whether it is fair to suppose that people after the above age have nothing worthy of note in
their lives, and cease to exist as they drive away from Saint George's, Hanover Square?
You, dear young ladies, who get your knowledge of life from the circulating library, may
be led to imagine that when the marriage business is done, and Emilia is whisked off in the
new travelling-carriage, by the side of the enraptured Earl; or Belinda, breaking away from
the tearful embraces of her excellent mother, dries her own lovely eyes upon the throbbing
waistcoat of her bridegroom—you may be apt, I say, to suppose that all is over then; that
Emilia and the Earl are going to be happy for the rest of their lives in his lordship's
romantic castle in the North, and Belinda and her young clergyman to enjoy uninterrupted
bliss in their rose-trellised parsonage in the West of England: but some there be among the
novel-reading classes—old experienced folks—who know better than this. Some there be
who have been married, and found that they have still something to see and to do, and to
suffer mayhap; and that adventures, and pains, and pleasures, and taxes, and sunrises and
settings, and the business and joys and griefs of life go on after, as before the nuptial
ceremony.
Therefore I say, it is an unfair advantage which the novelist takes of hero and heroine, as of
his inexperienced reader, to say good-by to the two former, as soon as ever they are made
husband and wife; and I have often wished that additions should be made to all works of
fiction which have been brought to abrupt terminations in the manner described; and that
we should hear what occurs to the sober married man, as well as to the ardent bachelor; to
the matron, as well as to the blushing spinster. And in this respect I admire (and would
desire to imitate,) the noble and prolific French author, Alexandre Dumas, who carries his
heroes from early youth down to the most venerable old age; and does not let them rest
until they are so old, that it is full time the poor fellows should get a little peace and quiet.
A hero is much too valuable a gentleman to be put upon the retired list, in the prime and