Burlesques William Makepeace Thackeray

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"Don't Duchess ME, sir. Did you not promise they should not speak; and hasn't that horrid
tipsy wretch offered to embrace me? Didn't his monstrous wife sicken me with her odious
familiarities? Call my people, Tufthunt! Follow me, my children!"
"And my carriage," "And mine," "And mine!" shouted twenty more voices. And down they
all trooped to the hall: Lady Blanche Bluenose and Lady Max among the very first; leaving
only the Field-Marshal and one or two men, who roared with laughter ready to split.
"Oh, Sam," said my wife, sobbing, "why would you take me back to them? they had sent
me away before! I only asked the Duchess whether she didn't like rum-shrub better than all
your Maxarinos and Curasosos: and—would you believe it?—all the company burst out
laughing; and the Duchess told me just to keep off, and not to speak till I was spoken to.
Imperence! I'd like to tear her eyes out."
And so I do believe my dearest Jemmy would!
A DAY WITH THE SURREY HOUNDS.
Our ball had failed so completely that Jemmy, who was bent still upon fashion, caught
eagerly at Tagrag's suggestion, and went down to Tuggeridgeville. If we had a difficulty to
find friends in town, here there was none: for the whole county came about us, ate our
dinners and suppers, danced at our balls—ay, and spoke to us too. We were great people in
fact: I a regular country gentleman; and as such, Jemmy insisted that I should be a
sportsman, and join the county hunt. "But," says I, "my love, I can't ride." "Pooh! Mr. C."
said she, "you're always making difficulties: you thought you couldn't dance a quadrille;
you thought you couldn't dine at seven o'clock; you thought you couldn't lie in bed after six;
and haven't you done every one of these things? You must and you shall ride!" And when
my Jemmy said "must and shall," I knew very well there was nothing for it: so I sent down
fifty guineas to the hunt, and, out of compliment to me, the very next week, I received
notice that the meet of the hounds would take place at Squashtail Common, just outside my
lodge-gates.
I didn't know what a meet was; and me and Mrs. C. agreed that it was most probable the
dogs were to be fed there. However, Tagrag explained this matter to us, and very kindly
promised to sell me a horse, a delightful animal of his own; which, being desperately
pressed for money, he would let me have for a hundred guineas, he himself having given a
hundred and fifty for it.