TANTRIC-QUEST-Encounter-with-Absolute-Love

By the time night fell, I had completely orchestrated myown fear, and the least little noise made me jump. Leaningagainst the tree trunk, watching the shapes of the treesgrow dimmer in the moonless night, I devoted myself tothe Shiva linga with exaggerated piety. The words of Ram,"This woman is very dangerous," served as my mantra.I had the impression that all the animals of the forestcame to look at this ascetic, a little pale and exuding theodor of panic through his ash garments. One night can bevery long. I fabricated monsters, venomous serpents, madascetics springing up, one after the other, out of the forest- bears, tigers, and leopards. The dangers seemed moreand more real to me. I didn't dare get up or move, close myeyes or leave them open. I imagined that Devi would nevercome back, that she was toying with me, and that, comemorning, if I went back down to our huts I wouldn't findher there. Sometimes I thought that Devi was there, veryclose by, peacefully seated in meditation.After a few hours of panic, I realized that I was hardlybreathing and that, after all was said and done, Devi hadleft me only my nakedness, my ashes, and my breath. Itried to use it to relax my diaphragm, to produce warmth,but it was impossible for me to meditate. It seemed asthough my mind had never been so exposed. Everythingreverberated in it.At one moment, I believed I heard something breathingin the night. I was paralyzed. My mind told me to get upand find a heavy piece of wood to sweep across the area infront of me, but I couldn't budge. I sniffed the night air likea small animal trying to catch the scent of a tiger. I wassure I smelled a human odor. I was about to cry out but94