TANTRIC-QUEST-Encounter-with-Absolute-Love

stopped myself as soon as I realized that by doing so I riskeddrawing the attention of those not already there.My teeth chattered until dawn, when, astonished at seeingnothing but trees in that first light, I fell asleep, exhausted.When I woke up, a gentle warmth pervaded the forest. Itmust have been a little past noon. I got up, drank a bit ofwater, and took a few steps to stretch my legs, as if astonishedto have survived that first night. I took the opportunityto breathe and to offer a few little mauve flowers I foundin the woods to Shiva. I poked fun at myself, and withoutthinking too much about the night ahead, I spent the daymeditating, breathing, touching the trees, and thanking themfor their protection.The panic had changed into respect but not yet intocomplicity, much less non-duality. I would wish so much tobe a tree before the day was over!I rubbed more ashes on my body. They formed a very softfilm, allowing my skin to better withstand the cold, which hadpenetrated almost to my bones the night before.As the afternoon ended I was tempted to go back downto the huts, to return to the village, then to Sonada, toKalou Rinpoche and my little cell in the pinnacle of thetemple. Surrounded by monks, keeping to the Mahakalaritual, protected by the power of my master. Then I thoughtabout Devi again. She had warned me. There was no stopping,no turning back, no running away.I tried to see into the future. If the test of the forest precededthe first initiation, what would the tests that followed be like?Devi had spoken to me of hatred. But for the moment, I was farfrom hating her. I didn't even wish for her not to be making meface my fear, face the fabrications of my own mind.95