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The Context of HIV Risk Among Drug Users and Their Sexual Partners

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Given this isolation, methamphetamine use <strong>of</strong>ten provides a way for gay<br />

youths to connect with others. As Mark stated:<br />

“I had been alone for so long that I was desperate, <strong>and</strong> I had found<br />

someone <strong>and</strong> I wasn’t alone anymore. I felt like I had a real<br />

somebody in the world. I had a place in the world <strong>and</strong> I didn’t want<br />

to lose that.”<br />

This isolation may enhance the importance <strong>of</strong> romantic partnerships, <strong>and</strong><br />

lead to shared needle use <strong>and</strong> unprotected sexual activity as a way <strong>of</strong><br />

demonstrating love <strong>and</strong> commitment to partners. For example, Jim had<br />

unprotected sex with an <strong>HIV</strong> seropositive partner to show that the partner<br />

was “somebody in the world.” Jim “loved” the partner <strong>and</strong> wanted to<br />

share his fate.<br />

“Finally, I knew that’s how you caught it but I didn’t care at the time.<br />

Me <strong>and</strong> him have a pact that when we go, we’re just gonna go<br />

together.”<br />

Rob expressed his fears that if he did not engage in unprotected sex, he<br />

may lose his partners.<br />

“I thought if I didn’t make them use it (the condom) maybe they’d<br />

want to be with me, or stay, <strong>and</strong> I just didn’t care, I didn’t think it<br />

would happen...I mean, I don’t know if I could say, give a reason for<br />

every time why, there’s too many times to count.”<br />

Thus, drug use <strong>and</strong> sexual risk <strong>of</strong>ten occurred while searching for love<br />

<strong>and</strong> affection.<br />

In addition to enabling youth to connect with others, one effect <strong>of</strong><br />

methamphetamine use is to disinhibit behaviors otherwise perceived as<br />

taboo. Adolescents who are uncomfortable exploring homosexual or<br />

bisexual feelings may place responsibility for their homosexual acts on<br />

their drug-induced state. Jim described his first homosexual encounter<br />

while under the influence <strong>of</strong> methamphetamine.<br />

“I was staring at my brother <strong>and</strong> I didn’t know why (laughs). My<br />

brother did bad things too, he used to play with me <strong>and</strong> stuff. When<br />

he was high. Even when he wasn’t high, when we was kids, he’d<br />

touch me <strong>and</strong> stuff....that’s the first time I really thought about it. In<br />

a homosexual way.”<br />

163

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