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The Context of HIV Risk Among Drug Users and Their Sexual Partners

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are short-term sexual partners from whom Mark receives money, whereas<br />

“johns” can be “worked” over long periods <strong>of</strong> time, as is the case with<br />

“sugar daddies.” <strong>The</strong> youths’ descriptions <strong>of</strong> bartering sex demonstrate<br />

how initial attributions <strong>of</strong> self-worth <strong>and</strong> potency associated with chronic<br />

drug use eventually are replaced by alienation, as demonstrated by<br />

Mark’ s account.<br />

“He is in love with me too, another sorry guy who fell in love with<br />

me (laughs), I kept saying, well I want to buy some dope with you...<br />

so she (sic) says, here’s the money go buy the coke...She likes to get<br />

people real full (high) <strong>and</strong> give them dope <strong>and</strong> have sex.”<br />

Methamphetamine use as a means <strong>of</strong> connecting <strong>and</strong> experiencing<br />

intimacy with others eventually evolves into situations where drug use<br />

increases, <strong>and</strong> the relationships dissolve in conflict. Rob’s description <strong>of</strong><br />

his problems with Alex demonstrates this pattern.<br />

“Alex was addicted <strong>and</strong> at first he told me he was gonna quit. And<br />

then he didn’t, <strong>and</strong> then, when he <strong>and</strong> I started to fall apart, he started<br />

to do methamphetamine a lot more, <strong>and</strong> then I started to do it with<br />

him, cause it was one way we could be together.”<br />

Youths get high <strong>and</strong> use methamphetamine for various reasons that <strong>of</strong>ten<br />

influence their present circumstances. Rob succinctly summarized the<br />

reasons for his former partner’s speed use.<br />

“He said he was doing it to lose weight, but that wasn’t the truth.<br />

<strong>The</strong> truth was he was trying to forget that his father ab<strong>and</strong>oned him,<br />

his uncle molested him, or his mother didn’t love him; his brothers<br />

were messed up, <strong>and</strong> he was gay.”<br />

Youths who become part <strong>of</strong> the methamphetamine-using subculture find<br />

that their sexual satisfaction is enmeshed with their survival needs <strong>and</strong><br />

feelings <strong>of</strong> self- worth. To them, getting high is characterized by a<br />

euphoric physiological rush, <strong>and</strong> is used to increase personal feelings <strong>of</strong><br />

self-worth <strong>and</strong> sexual potency, to connect with others, <strong>and</strong> to explore<br />

one’s sexual orientation without guilt. Getting high also makes it easier<br />

to participate in undesirable but necessary sex work in order to provide<br />

for one’s immediate survival needs. However, in time, the long-term<br />

consequences <strong>of</strong> chronic methamphetamine use become more apparent:<br />

sexual dysfunction, alienation from others, <strong>and</strong> marginalization into<br />

destructive interdependent subcultural social networks.<br />

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