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The Context of HIV Risk Among Drug Users and Their Sexual Partners

The Context of HIV Risk Among Drug Users and Their Sexual Partners

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It is unclear whether the disinhibition reported by youths is solely the<br />

physiological consequence <strong>of</strong> the speed use or whether it provides a<br />

rationale that allows the youth to engage in taboo behavior <strong>and</strong> maintain<br />

self-esteem. Other youths may be less honest with themselves regarding<br />

sexual desires that may only be acted upon while under the influence <strong>of</strong><br />

methamphetamine. Rob, for example, minimized the differences in his<br />

sexual behaviors in a “stoned” versus an “unstoned” state.<br />

“I mean maybe they made me a little less inhibited, yeah, but I<br />

wouldn’t blame anything on these drugs... Because I was doing these<br />

things anyway, or was wanting to do these things anyway.”<br />

<strong>The</strong> association between drug use <strong>and</strong> sexual orientation existed in the<br />

recollections <strong>of</strong> each youth but in different contexts. For example, Rob<br />

identified as gay at 15. Social isolation <strong>and</strong> masking his orientation were<br />

primary precipitants <strong>of</strong> Rob’s drug use. He did well in high school,<br />

where he was “out.”<br />

“People usually didn’t mess with me. I very rarely had any trouble,<br />

<strong>and</strong> when I did, I just ignored it, so I figured the only way it’s gonna<br />

hurt me is if I let it hurt me. Of course, it wasn’t the best feeling, to<br />

be excluded for that, but I had my own friends.”<br />

Rob was a successful <strong>and</strong> productive student. However, at age 16, his<br />

partner was using methamphetamine, <strong>and</strong> the relationship ended abruptly<br />

<strong>and</strong> dramatically.<br />

“I was tired <strong>of</strong> the Midwest, I was upset. Ben (my partner) was doing<br />

things I didn’t like...he would go out <strong>and</strong> not come home, <strong>and</strong> even<br />

hustling or whatever he was doing....I just needed to get out.”<br />

Rob left home <strong>and</strong> moved to San Francisco. Because there were no<br />

openly gay students in his new suburban high school, Rob went “back<br />

into the closet.” He explained:<br />

“Well, I knew I was gay. My mom knew I was gay, but she <strong>and</strong> I<br />

never really talked about it, <strong>and</strong> when I went to high school, I just let<br />

everyone think I was straight. I mean I didn’t act gay, so... I went out<br />

with girls, <strong>and</strong> I went with the guys, <strong>and</strong> whatever... I don’t<br />

remember having any sex during that time. It was about 6 months...<br />

my brother who is gay, one <strong>of</strong> my brothers from my father... came<br />

down a couple <strong>of</strong> weeks after I moved out here <strong>and</strong> he took me up to<br />

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