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The Context of HIV Risk Among Drug Users and Their Sexual Partners

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highway <strong>of</strong> love. It’s like, I’d be the first person to tell you, excuse<br />

me, but you really don’t want to be in love with me (laughs).<br />

Because I’ll work you, because if I know that somebody is going to<br />

do anything for me, I will work them. Not really bad, but I will work<br />

them, just like Daniel. Daniel came to pick me up in jail <strong>and</strong> gave me<br />

money <strong>and</strong> sex, that’s why she’s (sic) the first person that I called, I<br />

knew he’d pick me up <strong>and</strong> I knew he’d have sex with me.”<br />

For Mark, chronic methamphetamine use has also had negative social<br />

side-effects, including periods <strong>of</strong> self-imposed isolation <strong>and</strong> paranoia.<br />

“I mean I was so tweaked out from the weekend it wasn’t even funny,<br />

I was in my room, I had my little friend, my little mouse, see, to this<br />

day I don’t even know if I actually saw that little mouse or not, but I<br />

thought I saw this little mouse, <strong>and</strong> for a whole weekend I was in my<br />

room <strong>and</strong> I’d pick up my coat, <strong>and</strong> I was trying to leave, <strong>and</strong> I go like<br />

this (gestures) making sure there was no mouse in my coat...I woke<br />

up Sunday morning <strong>and</strong> the first thing I did was, like throw up<br />

stomach acid, <strong>and</strong> I said gee, girl, (sic), when was the last time you ate<br />

(laughs)?”<br />

Following long periods <strong>of</strong> sleep, the postcrash depression is less<br />

pronounced <strong>and</strong> the exhaustion gone. <strong>The</strong> task then is to arrange for a<br />

new supply <strong>of</strong> speed, the sooner to begin another “high”—another “run.”<br />

MODERATING OR DISCONTINUING METHAMPHETAMINE<br />

USE<br />

Given the interconnected nature <strong>of</strong> sexual activity <strong>and</strong> speed use, it is<br />

difficult to prevent <strong>HIV</strong> sexual-risk activity if methamphetamine use<br />

continues. Some youth, especially those already living with <strong>HIV</strong> <strong>and</strong><br />

AIDS, are fatalistic, experience hopelessness, <strong>and</strong> do not want to change<br />

their drug use practices. For example, Mark described his unwillingness<br />

to change his life situation <strong>and</strong> patterns in the following way:<br />

“... as far as I can see, I’m just going to die anyway, so why bother<br />

getting my life together when I’ll probably die before I do it (laughs).<br />

Tomorrow I could be in the hospital with some tubes coming out <strong>of</strong><br />

me.”<br />

170

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