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The Context of HIV Risk Among Drug Users and Their Sexual Partners

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the city. It was the first time I’d ever been to this one gay area, <strong>and</strong> I<br />

said ‘Wow. I don’t believe this.’ <strong>The</strong>re was guys holding h<strong>and</strong>s<br />

walking down the street together, it’s amazing... But I didn’t go back<br />

up there for a while just because I was busy doing things with straight<br />

people, with people my own age, which was also something very<br />

strange, cause I never hung out with people my own age in the<br />

Midwest.”<br />

It was during this period <strong>of</strong> masking his sexual orientation that Rob<br />

started using drugs.<br />

Most <strong>of</strong> the youth in the larger study group experienced conflict over<br />

“coming out” <strong>and</strong> choosing a gay or bisexual lifestyle. This conflict was<br />

interconnected with methamphetamine use for Mark, Jim, <strong>and</strong> Rob.<br />

Many youths who identify as gay or bisexual do not adopt substanceabusing<br />

patterns. However, negative societal reactions to gay <strong>and</strong><br />

bisexual youths appear to lead some youths out <strong>of</strong> traditional mainstream<br />

cultural practices in order to find acceptance, personal worth, <strong>and</strong> value.<br />

Some social worlds <strong>and</strong> subcultures are more accepting <strong>of</strong> diversity <strong>and</strong><br />

welcome gay youths. Once accepted into alternative subcultures, some<br />

youth become vulnerable to the negative or destructive activities or<br />

practices characteristic <strong>of</strong> these adopted social worlds.<br />

While many youths experienced an increased sense <strong>of</strong> meaning,<br />

self-worth, pleasure, <strong>and</strong> disinhibition associated with initial<br />

methamphetamine use, eventually there were negative consequences <strong>of</strong><br />

chronic use. For each benefit, a contrasting cost arose-costs far higher<br />

than the benefits <strong>and</strong> almost unavoidable. As Jim summarized:<br />

“So it just kept going down, down, down, <strong>and</strong> so he moved, <strong>and</strong> kept<br />

doing more drugs, <strong>and</strong> I did drugs with him. We stayed up all night<br />

<strong>and</strong> we’d fight, <strong>and</strong> we’d get back together again <strong>and</strong> have great sex.”<br />

Most youths experienced a downward spiral <strong>and</strong> were addicted to the<br />

drug <strong>and</strong> to the lifestyle that surround usage. Activities <strong>and</strong> relationships<br />

<strong>of</strong> physical <strong>and</strong> emotional ecstasy <strong>and</strong> disinhibition became<br />

dysfunctional. For example, while methamphetamine was initially an<br />

aphrodisiac, it soon became necessary for sexual arousal. Episodic or<br />

165

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