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The Book of Knots - Jags

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<strong>Book</strong> <strong>of</strong> <strong>Knots</strong> - <strong>The</strong> Symposium<br />

78<br />

Operations Manual<br />

Stage I<br />

Stage I operations prep the area for an Army <strong>of</strong> No operation. <strong>The</strong><br />

important thing is to keep people from thinking too clearly about what’s<br />

happening (thus the plans to irritate and distract), while removing hated<br />

and dangerous influences like music, passion, and art.<br />

<strong>The</strong> vanguard <strong>of</strong> the army (usually a squad <strong>of</strong> Multitude under the<br />

command <strong>of</strong> a Field Martian or an Exquisitor) will survey the area<br />

(a small town, a school campus, a high-rise apartment building) and<br />

identify:<br />

· Threats (things and people who might cause trouble)<br />

· Tools (things and people who might be useful)<br />

· Opportunities for FUN (an important part <strong>of</strong> the Army’s philosophy<br />

is that tormenting people and ruining their lives should be<br />

enjoyable!)<br />

Threats include anything that inflames the loving passions. This includes<br />

art, music, and people with a true joy <strong>of</strong> life. Joy and Love are anathema<br />

to the army––not just counterproductive and distasteful, but downright<br />

dangerous.<br />

<strong>The</strong> vanguard will need to neutralize these threats as completely<br />

as possible before the operation can begin. While their tactics and<br />

techniques will depend on the situation, here are some examples <strong>of</strong> what<br />

they do:<br />

Pod Thumpers<br />

While the Army <strong>of</strong> No hates any musical device (they particularly<br />

delight in ruining musical instruments, which they don’t just break but<br />

actually torture), they reserve special venom for iPods. While iPods<br />

don’t make music, they deliver it so effectively that in an area where<br />

people are jamming contentedly to the music that really speaks to them<br />

and makes them happy, the Army has a hard time operating.<br />

As a short-term solution, the Vanguard will round up all the Shadows<br />

with iPods, confiscate the pods, and smash them (they carry special<br />

thumb-screw-like devices and revel in destroying the iPods in front <strong>of</strong><br />

their enraged and terrified owners).<br />

In the long-term, the General is investigating a Program similar to the<br />

Big Pharma program to work with the RIAA and other Chessboard Zero<br />

legal entities to make personal music devices illegal.<br />

Commercial Bugs<br />

<strong>The</strong> Army <strong>of</strong> No finds television––at least commercial television and<br />

most broadcast radio––useful. As the General has said, “If Commercials

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