For Lilian and the Indigos - Above Top Secret

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE
When I was 14 or 15 my curiosity about drugs peaked. The “religious experience” linked
to psychedelics was fascinating to me, y’know, like what the hell is it? And if all it takes
to have a “religious experience” is the ingestion of some piece of paper or mushroom or
cactus button, well goddamn, I’m gonna try it. At the same time I was getting exposure to
the “New Age” (…resent that term because it is neither “new” or an “age”) and I read a
book on ESP that said only a small percentage of the mind was utilized. I decided that
expanding my mind was the only reason to be here, and that if I couldn’t move beyond
the average mind and develop its full potential what’s the point? So I committed myself
to mind expansion and self actualization.
My first 30 or so trips on LSD over a six year period were not so special. Oh sure they
were fun but there wasn’t a hint of spiritual connectedness. I also looked into brain
hemisphere synchronization tapes and crap like that but I was getting nowhere. My
eagerness and impatience had finally been defeated and I let go: “If it’s meant to happen
it will...”
Perhaps the most obvious question raised when tripping is this, “Where do the
hallucinations originate, in the eyes or the brain?” This is a great Zen thingy; it forces an
enigma. Who can say exactly where sensory input ends and perception begins?
Consciousness can question itself; language is just agreed upon symbols; intent is torn
between time; emotion fills in the gaps. Where does knowledge reside? Is it nothing more
than the sum of 26 letters we can recombine infinitely?
On LSD I had minor epiphanies and my share of bad trips. In hindsight however, I can
see that I did gain something, that it was actually good to have a bad trip. Ya see, a bad
trip is egoshock, a slap to the psyche. The bad trip taught me respect for my own brain.
The bad trip taught me, “Don’t presume a thing or you’ll go down!” That is true in
everyday life but on acid it’s amplified. I was at a party once and I assumed I could read
minds like, “I know you’re thinking whatnot about me...” So I go up to these people,
totally cool people who I kinda knew from a mutual friend and I’m like all cocky-n-shit,
and I confront them about these thoughts they were having about me. Normally I could
care less what people think but dammit, I was on acid... So these totally innocent people
are looking at me like, “What is up with this freak!?” At that moment I knew I had stuck
my foot in my mouth. I should have turned around and walked away but I didn’t. I had
one of those things that you think about when you’re in bed at night, one of those “point
of no return,” Degeneresesque faux pas that you think could never really happen in real
life cuz you would catch yourself kinda things. So I’m standing there with my whole leg
down my throat... That, my friends, IS a bad trip and I was traumatized by it for about a
month. I hope those people remember me and get a laugh over the fact it was the
Antichrist that made such an ass of himself.