The Varieties of Religious Experience - Penn State University

The Varieties of Religious Experiencemust I do to please thee? For I have nobody to teach me. Speak tomy soul and it will hear thee.’ At that instant she heard, as if anotherhad spoke within her: Forsake all earthly things. Separate thyselffrom the love of the creatures. Deny thyself. She was quite astonished,not understanding this language, and mused long on thesethree points, thinking how she could fulfill them. She thought shecould not live without earthly things, nor without loving the creatures,nor without loving herself. Yet she said, ‘By thy Grace I willdo it, Lord!’ But when she would perform her promise, she knewnot where to begin. Having thought on the religious in monasteries,that they forsook all earthly things by being shut up in a cloister,and the love of themselves by subjecting of their wills, she askedleave of her father to enter into a cloister of the barefoot Carmelites,but he would not permit it, saying he would rather see her laid inher grave. This seemed to her a great cruelty, for she thought to findin the cloister the true Christians she had been seeking, but shefound afterwards that he knew the cloisters better than she, for afterhe had forbidden her, and told her he would never permit her to bea religious, nor give her any money to enter there, yet she went toFather Laurens, the Director, and offered to serve in the monasteryand work hard for her bread, and be content with little, if he wouldreceive her. At which he smiled and said: That cannot be. We musthave money to build; we take no maids without money; you mustfind the way to get it, else there is no entry here.“This astonished her greatly, and she was thereby undeceived asto the cloisters, resolving to forsake all company and live alone till itshould please God to show her what she ought to do and whither togo. She asked always earnestly, ‘When shall I be perfectly thine, Omy God?’ And she thought he still answered her, When thou shaltno longer possess anything, and shalt die to thyself. ‘And whereshall I do that, Lord?’ He answered her, In the desert. This made sostrong an impression on her soul that she aspired after this; butbeing a maid of eighteen years only, she was afraid of unluckychances, and was never used to travel, and knew no way. She laidaside all these doubts and said, ‘Lord, thou wilt guide me how andwhere it shall please thee. It is for thee that I do it. I will lay aside myhabit of a maid, and will take that of a hermit that I may pass un-290