(Scars do not appear to be cause of death –shock ... - Bad Request

I breathed deeply, then looked up to him, "Before you said that when we
die, traces are left in the mind. That's what caused you all to emerge.
Right?"
"My understanding may not be complete, but yes, that seems to be the
case."
"So," I continued, "is it possible that the first of us - the real one of us,
before all the incarnations, might still be buried somewhere in my mind."
The expression on the incarnation's face flickered for just a moment, but it
was like a window, and I took in a sharp breath as I suddenly realized who it
was I was speaking to.
"You were the first of us," I gasped.
His eyes took on a haunted look, and his gaze turned away from mine. "I
know what you are thinking - but it is not the case. You think that knowing
the mind of the first of us will somehow help you here, in this place. It will
not."
"But why - I have so many questions that YOU can answer. Why did we
become immortal? Why?"
"Because if we die, truly die..." he looked up at me, and his eyes were grim
and glassy. "Death's kingdom will not be paradise, not for us. You spoke to
these others that were here. Know that the evil of their lives is but a drop of
water compared to the evil of mine. That life, that one life, even without the
thousands of others, has given us a seat in the Lower Planes for eternity."
"But you seem so much... calmer," I cocked my head, as if trying to see him
from a different angle, "More well-intentioned."
"I became that way, yes. Because for me..." His voice took on a strange
echo. "It is regret that may change the nature of a man."
He sighed. "But it was too late. I was already damned. I found that changing
my nature was not enough. I needed more time, and I needed more life to
make amends. So I came to the greatest of the Gray Sisters and asked her
for a boon - to try and help me live long enough to rectify all the damage I
1177