Betydningen av seksuell erfaring, tiltrekning og identitet for ...

precise meanings, positive connotations and personal applicability’ (Jenness,
1992, p. 66). For Michael, his gay uncle was important in explaining
‘gayness’: ’My uncle explained to me that there were all kinds of gays, that
gays didn’t have to be feminine or masculine or anything for that matter.
[…] But my uncle is very feminine though, so very quickly I formed an
image of gays being very feminine. […] And for the general public those are
the images of gayness; the feminine boy and the dirty old man.’
This understanding of what it means to be gay goes beyond doing
something there and then – having sex with a man – to being something
constant, a gayness that is present in all of life’s situations. Again, his notion
of gayness carries essentialist assumptions, this time about intrinsic and
unchanging ‘being’. Although his uncle explains the possibility of different
ways of ‘being’ gay, Michael still clings to society’s stereotypes equating
gayness to femininity. This could be seen as a paradox, combining ‘being’ gay
regardless of context with ‘being’ gay implying effeminate behaviour. Perhaps
Michael’s young age urged him to cling to typified identities, as has been
described as common in adolescent identity development in general (Erikson,
1968/1992),despite his uncle’s invitation to open up for other possibilities.
Michael does not want ‘to be a quiet gay’, and he mentions that during
his mid-teens he ‘did his time on the barricades’. Coming out was for him
part of this, he says: ‘Coming out of the closet is to publicly announce your
gay orientation. And you know, in gay politics this is a matter of attitude, we
should be visible to change attitudes in society and so on.’ At 14, he made a
habit of introducing himself as ‘Michael, 14 years old and gay’. This
however has not been without costs. ‘I think you put yourself in a very
vulnerable situation, when you come out as gay at a very young age. If you
are a very mature 13 year old you don’t have to come out of it with bruises
and scars, but...’ There are three reasons for his stance in this matter that can
be inferred from the interview. Firstly, he feels that saying you are gay
defines you as a sexual person, at a time when you should be allowed to
explore you sexuality at your own pace and not in the hands of ‘dirty old
men’. Secondly, coming out as gay early entails pinning down your identity
at a time when you are not certain of what you are. Finally, to be openly gay
in his small home town was putting yourself at risk for anti-gay harassment.
Becoming a gay subject: Gay defined by gay cultural values
Michael describes strategies that he used to become gay, underlining his
active role in shaping his gay identity and the way he wants to be doing gay.
As an example of this, I will use a reasonably long quote from his interview
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– NOVA Rapport 1/07 –