The Biblical Role of the Pastor's wife - South African Theological ...

can place her trust. It is vital that wives have someone, either a close family
member or a trusted friend, in whom they can rely. Many wives indicated that
their husband was their closest friend, which is admirable. However, it may
not always be practical or fair to the husband. Every woman has a unique
personality and need the community of female friendship.
It is strongly recommended that wives find a trusted friend, whether an
older woman within the church, a neighbour, family relation or work colleague
in whom they can confide and share hopes, goals, frustrations and victories.
Gone are the days where the pastor’s wife must be a lone iceberg on a sea of
exemplar lifestyle, which includes a life of thousands of acquaintances and no
special friends. There is no ‘typical’ pastor’s wife, no model, no template and
no job description. The pastor’s wife is a woman within the church that
requires care, love and direction, just like the other women in the pew and
friendship is a non-negotiable. Cullen (2007) says that “Loneliness is a
running theme among pastors' wives”. Dobson (2004:46) concurs; she also
indicates that developing loving friendships is necessary and biblical (1 Pet.
1:22). Senter (1979:87) discovered that she needed “a friend with whom there
could be mutual load-bearing” (italics added), she could not simply continue
being a friend to others but she too needed to allow someone to be a friend to
her. It is true, many pastors’ wives are privy to sensitive information but they
have learned how to be discreet.
Pastors’ wives would do well not to share intimate marital woes with
just anyone. A wife can take her time pursuing a close friendship, testing the
waters and growing in confidence. Senter (1979:89) shares that “I need
special relationships…. But I also need to build my friendship with care…. Not
everyone should be my close friend”. Dobson (2004:47) believes that, if the
wife’s relationship with the Lord and her husband are a top priority, then her
friendships will develop sincerely and be loyal to her priorities.
Somerville (2005:87) encourages the pastor’s wife to seize the
opportunity and create appropriate friendships, as much as possible. Dobson
(2004:110) concurs; she found that approximately 75 percent of her survey
respondents had at least one close friend outside of the church and a similar
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