The Biblical Role of the Pastor's wife - South African Theological ...

Most of these expectations have become part of our church
cultures, yet they have no biblical basis and place
unnecessary burdens on us and on our husbands. If we seek
to meet unbiblical expectations such as these, we’ll do our
churches a disservice by allowing our congregations to remain
immature and dependent on us.
A healthy church will usually seek to encourage and release the pastor’s wife
to be the person God has created her to be and to allow her time and space
to excel in the role and responsibilities of being a woman of God, a supportive
wife and dedicated mother, in turn the congregation will be fulfilled.
Communicating up front as to one’s expected involvement within the
church can help to avoid unnecessary feelings of guilt and unrealistic
expectations. It would be beneficial for the church leadership to revisit the
wife’s position and involvement, on an annual basis, as situations and
responsibilities change in her life.
The pastor’s wife, either of herself or of her husband’s work or her
children, can often interpret expectations as criticism. Somerville (2005:71)
offers that such expectations can destroy one’s joy for ministry and in turn
negatively affect one’s outlook on the church. She indicates that in such
circumstances to pastors’ wives ought to keep no record of wrong, ultimately
they are to love, show kindness and forgive, quickly (pp. 72-73). This kind of
attitude is only possible when one is devoted and dependent upon the Lord
and is seeking to walk in obedience to His commands. However, when deep
hurt occurs through false or unrealistic expectations, Somerville recommends
that the pastor’s wife should seek godly counsel, an accountability partner,
someone who is able to draw alongside and pray or minister to her (p. 79).
This brings us to trusting in the Lord (Prov. 3:5, 6).
4.4.3. Trusting the Lord
Finding time to develop and maintain a vibrant spiritual life was not
always possible for each wife. Most wives indicated their desire to spend
more time with the Lord in quiet time and prayer. Wives with young children
found it almost impossible. White (1986:123) indicates that “setting a time,
especially when you have young children, can be difficult.… Making time to
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