epdf.pub_cbest-cliffs-test-prep13a9b242c7cb4125e6cca92d00a73d5a41681

The Writing Section
A Second Look at the Finished Essay (With Comments)
Good specific information
setting up the story.
Notice the setting.
Gives a specific example
of "labels."
Actually introduces another
main character and plot here.
Notice the turning point or
climax. Again the "label"
is mentioned.
Essay 1
Ten years ago, I was twenty-one and a junior at
California State University at Long Beach. My schooling had
been quite traditional, and because of this I regarded my college
experience as a necessary means to an end and rarely
educational. Shortly after I began my second semester in the
Education Department, however, I took a course in abnormal
psychology that became most instrumental in shaping my
life.
On a cold blustery winter day, as I drove to my parttime
job in the neuropsychiatric hospital, I had a nagging
feeling that the psychology class I enrolled in was slowly
changing my point of view. As I drove onto the damp parking
lot and walked in the doorway to the childrenÕs unit, my
professorÕs words haunted me: "The challenge of the new
psychology is to look beyond the 'labels' given to people and
to see for oneself the human being that is there." I mulled over
in my mind whether this day would bring me any closer to that
goal.
That day a new patient arrived. He was a four-year-old,*
child pinned tightly with the label of "autistic." His name
was Gregory, and in him I saw immediately all that I had
previously only read about. He had all of the usual behavior of a
child who was autistic. He would not respond to touch or
affection, engaged in constant finger flicking and hand gazing,
and seemed to withdraw into his own world.
In the days that passed I spent much time with Gregory,
involving him in whatever I was doing, always maintaining
some physical contact with him. It was not until the fourteenth
day that I dropped my ever-so-precious label.
Gregory and I frequently engaged in games, but his favorite
game was entitled "Up." In this game I was to lift Gregory into
the air as he gleefully shouted, "up, up!" After several times my
arms grew weary, and instead of putting him down, I held
Gregory in my arms. There we stood in an embrace of trustÑan
opening to a place beyond his label. Tears flowed freely from
my eyes as he calmly touched each one with his fingers, smiling
as their wetness served to cement our relationship. Somehow, in
that moment, all of what I had read mattered little compared
to what I now know. As my professor had warned us in
class, "The labels only serve to make things easyÑit is up to
you to discover the truth."
Each day I went to the neuropsychiatric institute filled me
with a joy I had never known, yet in one sharp moment it was
all shattered. On December 26, 1972, Gregory was transferred
to the state mental institution. Over the advice of the staff and
the doctors, Gregory was taken to a place where he would wear
his label forever.
The next few weeks at the hospital seemed empty to me. A
challenge by a professor to see through the labels and the
willingness and trust of a four-year-old child enabled me to
learn a lesson that I shall never forget. For the first time a
college course provided me with a real learning experience;
all of the coursework that I had taken never touched me as
deeply as this one course.
Interesting introduction,
giving some background
with the last sentence giving
the direction and focus of
the essay.
Adds information about
the psychology class.
*Note minor comma error.
Remember that the essay is
graded holistically, minor
flaws are okay.
Nice transition into how the
label was dropped.
Paragraph gives good
specific detail reinforcing
the "label" issue and ties
back very cleanly to the
psychology class.
A strong ending, explaining
the result of the experience.
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