epdf.pub_cbest-cliffs-test-prep13a9b242c7cb4125e6cca92d00a73d5a41681

Part II: Analysis of Exam Areas
A Second Look at the Finished Essay (With Comments)
Essay 6
Clear introduction. Nice
lead-in to thesis statement.
Three clear reasons.
Starts paragraph with support
of reason 1, "inhibits creativity."
Reason 2, "fails to realize the
importance" is discussed and
supported with specifics.
This paragraph addresses
reason 3, "restricts curriculum,"
and ends with a strong
supporting sentence.
Restates thesis statement using
clear wording and an effective
closing sentence.
As principal of your school, I have seen many
educational movements come up and go. Some are
worthy of the attention given to them, and others should
be ignored because of their devastating effect on the
educational system. One such movement that falls into
the latter category is the ÒBack to BasicsÓ movement. Its
proponents argue that education should concentrate on
reading, writing, and mathematics skills and completely
ignore such courses as drama, art appreciation, and
sociology. I am against the ÒBack to BasicsÓ
movement because it inhibits creativity, fails to
recognize the importance of the arts, and restricts the
curriculum.
The enhancement of creative thinking is primal to
the advancement of any educational system. To create,
to invent, or to discover, one needs not only have
freedom of thought but the exposure and application of
that creativity to all areas of the curriculum.To
concentrate on only reading, writing, and mathematics
would restrict thinking to a narrow focus. The future
needs thinkers who can create in the widest spectrum
so as to be able to meet the challenges of a global society.
The ÒBack to BasicsÓ proponents also fail to see
that a restrictive curriculum of only mathematics,
reading, and writing fails to support the many great
advancements made in our culture by those whose first
exposures to art, drama, or sociology took place in the
schools. The great artists who have changed the way
people see; the great dramatists who have told their
stories worldwide; and the great sociologists who have
helped us to understand social relations, organization,
and changes in our culture have all been products of an
education that included the arts as basic to a wellrounded
education.
Finally, the ÒBack to BasicsÓ supporters fail to see
*their narrow view of education that the basics include
art, drama, and sociology as well as music, dance, and
computer literacy. ÒBasicsÓ by definition, means that
knowledge which is needed by children in our society in
order to compete and simply survive in that society. The
ÒBack to BasicsÓ movement is an attempt to take
education back to a time that has long since passed. The
narrow focus of the movement also overlooks the
integrative value of reading, writing, and
mathematics throughout all curriculum areas and
especially in the arts.
The ÒBack to BasicsÓ issue is a sad attempt to
restrict the information that children need for their
future. It will stifle creativity in those knowledge areas
upon which our society is dependent. So, as your
principal, I hope that you on the school board continue to
support an education for the futureÑan education that
defines the ÒbasicsÓ as those curriculum areas beyond
the courses of reading, writing, and mathematics. We
must meet the future with an education that includes
art, drama, and sociology.
Thesis statement at end of
first paragraph gives
direction and focus.
Additional support and
clarification is given.
Strong last sentence.
*The word in is missing. But
this is only a minor flaw in
the complete picture of this
well-written essay.
Reviews reasons using
strong languageÑ
"sad attempt to restrict."
110