epdf.pub_cbest-cliffs-test-prep13a9b242c7cb4125e6cca92d00a73d5a41681

Part II: Analysis of Exam Areas
This is a good first paragraph.
It clearly states the writerÕs
position, and by suggesting that
work can develop nonacademic
skills, it prepares for the
arguments of the next three
paragraphs.
Note how the repetition of the
word "skills" links the second
paragraph with the first.
Paragraph three moves on to
another advantage
(development of a work ethic).
The second sentence explains
fully what the writer
understands a "work ethic"
to be.
The last paragraph is the
weakest paragraph of this essay.
The writer has argued forcefully
in favor of after-school work.
There is no reason to weaken
the argument with the trite
suggestion that it will depend
on the individual. What doesnÕt?
In an argument essay like this,
it is not necessary (and is
usually a waste of time) to pay
lip service to the opposing point
of view.
Essay 9
There is a great deal of controversy among parents as
to whether or not their children should hold a paying job
while in high school. Some parents believe that working
while in school is a valuable experience; others believe
that the importance of good grades superceeds any value
that a job might offer. I think that working while in
school can be very beneficial to students and provide
them with skills that might enhance their ÒformalÓ
education.
One of the skills is time management. Learning how
to balance your activities and obligations is essential as
an adult. It is invaluable to know what you can handle
and when you are taking on too much. When I got a job
in high school, I began to realize the importance of
using my time wisely since I had less of it to throw
around. I think that I gained a lot from having to make
those decisions as well as earning my own money.
Another benefit is that students can develop a work
ethic which can be applied to their academic schooling
or any task that they choose to take on. Understanding
the importance of working hard, doing a good job
and being responsible are skills that are assets to any
endeavor. Students often develop confidence from being
counted on to get something done and then rising to that
challenge. Additionally, learning to take pride in your
work is really important. When you care about
something your performance often reflects that.
Academic success largely depends upon this same kind
of pride and confidence.
Ultimately, I believe that whether a child should
work while in school depends on the child. Some
children feel that they canÕt handle the responsibility
while others are willing to try. I think that students
stand to gain a lot from working, but should be able to
make that choice for themselves in the end.
A well-chosen word, but
misspelled. It should
be "supersede."
The writer supports her
argument (that part-time work
develops the ability to
manage time efficiently) by
referring to personal
experience.
The move to a second point
in this paragraph (increased
confidence) would be clearer
with the addition of a
transitional word or phrase
(such as "Further" or "Also")
to begin the sentence. But,
the writer rightly does
include a transitional word
("Additionally") at the
beginning of the next sentence.
Analysis of Essay 9
Aside from the last paragraph, this is a very good essay, well-organized, wellsupported,
and specific. Its word choice, syntax, and mechanics are all competent.
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