epdf.pub_cbest-cliffs-test-prep13a9b242c7cb4125e6cca92d00a73d5a41681

The Writing Section
Another Poor Essay (What NOT to Do)
See whether you can spot the weaknesses and errors in the following essay. Add
your comments in the blank boxes.
Essay 4
One course I had in college which was instrumental
in shaping my life was a college speech course. I
was not a talkative person. During classroom
discussions, my teacher made me participate and
that was something I had not done in a long time.
This particular subject was a coed class and I had to
discuss the current issues of today. There were only
three females in a class of forty men.
After the semester was over, I was quite a different
person than before the speech class.
I am now employed by the Over the Rainbow
School District as a kindorgotten teacher in an area
where people donÕt speak good. I feel happy to see
the children grow up with the kind of experiences I
can give them.
Analysis of Essay 4
This sample essay contains major faults in the writing. The essay lacks unity, focus,
and a clear description of one experience.
The essay has only a brief description that gives the reader a hint of the setting
and early experiences.
The essay rushes to the conclusion (resolution) without giving the reader an experience
that caused a change. Simply enrolling in a class does not cause one to
change. The writer left out a description of any experience that caused this
change.
The essay lacks a unified, clear focus without a described experience and fails to
go beyond a general discussion. The final sentence doesn’t seem to fit because we
still don’t know why this course was special and how it helped this person in his
or her job as a teacher.
The essay also contains many flaws in grammar and usage.
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