Zbornik Mednarodnega literarnega srečanja Vilenica 2003 - Ljudmila

katere debela ženska krièi, da bi prišla ven, in zdaj je
zunaj, in èe bi reka lahko to tipkala, bi se slišalo natanko tako,
èisto in zapleteno in gromozansko. Zdaj prepevajoè poskakujeva
po deželi, in govoriva, in èe bi veter lahko tipkal, bi se slišalo
natanko tako, nenehno in ponavljajoèe, vse loèujoèe
in oznaèujoèe, tako kot naša slavna frizura, ki jo je
naslikal Picasso. Kajti ko ste znotraj naše frizure, razumete,
da so bili ves balast in preostanki prièeske
odstranjeni (kot gozdovi iz Novega sveta), tako da se
skozi režanje in naslajanje s šokom, ki ga je povzroèila,
lahko vidi lobanjo. Zdaj sem, skrb vzbujajoèe, v gertrudini glavi
in mislim si, da sem mogoèe le misel, ki jo je ona nekoè imela,
ko si je predstavljala, da sta z alice mrtvi, in da nekdo
mora nadaljevati z delom biti gertrude stein, in tako zdaj
dobivam, iz onostranstva, radioaktivne izotope njenega
genija, ki pravi, nadaljuj moje delo, postani gertrude stein.
Zato ker nekdo mora biti gertrude stein, nekdo nas mora
zašèititi pred pozitivisti in realisti in pred pripovedmi
zaèetkov in koncev, nekdo mora biti reka, ki lahko tipka.
In zakaj ne jaz? Gertrude vztraja pri dejstvu, da èeprav
sem subgenij, težka dvainpetdeset kil in pol, in živim
v majhnem mestu z ogromnim kosmatim samcem - soprogom,
ki se kar naprej prevaža v svojem Cadillacu Eldorado, da
bi kaj prodal ljudem, ki si v svojem življenju ne zaslužijo
zle sreèe takega nakupa; da ta dejstva niso problem
za gertrude stein. Getrude in jaz meniva, da, na primer, v
Patriarhalni poeziji, ki (kot plaz, ki lahko tipka) pokopava
patriarhalnost, še zmeraj obstaja obèutek pokroviteljske naklonjenosti.
Torej, èeprav sem suhljat, heteroseksualni subgenij,
me je gertrude izbrala za svoje orodje, tako kot je izbrala
patriarhalnost za orodje, s katerim je pokonèala patriarhalnost.
In ker sem postala njeno orodje, je zdaj, na nek naèin, gertrude
znotraj mene. Težko je. Imeti gertrude znotraj sebe je, kot bi
pogoltnila prekooceanko, ki lahko tipka, in èeprav se poèutim
kot èisto majhna garderobna omara, v kateri èepi medved, z
gertrude meniva, da vam moram povedati, da je gertrude vseeno.
Uporablja me, da bi vam sporoèila, da bi rekla, izgubljena
sem, obkoljena s pozitivisti in pripovedmi zaèetkov in sredin
in koncev, pomagajte mi. In tako, ja, reèem, tukaj sem, gertrude,
ker meniva, gertrude in jaz, da je v najinem glasu èutiti veliko
nujo (kot ihtenje, ki lahko tipka) in da ji kaže zelo slabo,
ker je izgubljena, obkoljena s pozitivisti in realisti,
ruši se pod težo lastne velièine, in mi jo moramo
najti in jo sprejeti vase, èeprav sem jaz najmanj primerna
za odrešenika in sem bila mogoèe izbrana kot zadnja
rešitev, ja, tako je, gertrude mi pravi, ti si najmanj primerna
za odrešenika, ti si moja zadnja izbira in moje zadnje
zatoèišèe.
Prevedla Barbara Korun
162
whom a big woman is screaming to get out, and she`s out
now and if a river could type this is how it would sound, pure
and complicated and enormous. Now we are lilting across the
countryside, and we are talking, and if the wind could type it
would sound like this, ongoing and repetitious, abstracting
and stylizing everything, like our famous haircut painted by
Picasso. Because when you are inside our haircut you understand
that all the flotsam and jetsam of hairdo have been
cleared away (like the forests from the New World) so that the
skull can show through grinning and feasting on the alarm it
has created. I am now, alarmingly, inside gertrude`s head and I
am thinking that I may only be a thought she has had when
she imagined that she and alice were dead and gone and
someone had to carry on the work of being gertrude stein, and
so I am receiving, from beyond the grave, radioactive isotopes
of her genius saying, take up my work, become gertrude stein.
Because someone must be gertrude stein, someone must save
us from the literalists and realists, and narratives of the
beginning and end, someone must be a river that can type.
And why not I? Gertrude is insisting on the fact that while I
am a subgenius, weighing one hundred five pounds, and living
in a small town with an enormous furry male husband who is
always in his Cadillac Eldorado driving off to sell something
to people who do not deserve the bad luck of this merchandise
in thier lives? that these facts would not be a problem
for gertrude stein. Gerture and i feel that, for instance, in
Patriarchal Poetry when (like an avalanche that can type) she is
burying the patriarchy, still there persists a sense of condescending
affection. So, while I`m a thin, heterosexual subgenius,
nevertheless gertrude has chosen me as her tool, just
as she chose the patriarchy as a tool for ending the patriarchy.
And because I have become her tool, now, in a sense, gertrude
is inside me. It`s tough. Having gertrude inside me is like
having swallowed an ocean liner that can type, and, while I
feel like a very small coat closet with a bear in it, gerturde and
I feel that I must tell you that gertrude does not care. She is
using me to get her message across, to say, I am lost, I am
beset by literalists and narratives of the beginning and middle
and end, help me. And so, yes, I say, yes, I am here, gertrude,
because we feel, gertrude and I , that there is real urgency in
our voice (like a sob that can type) and that things are very
bad for her because she is lost, beset by the literalists and
realists, her own enormousness crushing her, and we must
find her and take her into ourselves, even though I am the
least likely of saviors and have been chosen perhaps as a last
resort, yes, definitely, gertrude is saying to me, you are the
least likely of saviors, you are my last choice and my last
resort.
163