The Humourous Poetry of the English Language

101
Disputants often after hot debates
Leave the contention as they found it--bone,
And take to duelling or thumping tetes;
Thinking by strength of artery to atone
For strength of argument; and he who winces
From force of words, with force of arms convinces!
With pistols, powder, bullets, surgeons, lint,
Seconds, and smelling-bottles, and foreboding,
Our friends advanced; and now portentous loading
(Their hearts already loaded) serv'd to show
It might be better they shook hands--but no;
When each opines himself, though frighten'd, right
Each is, in courtesy, oblig'd to fight!
And they DID fight: from six full measured paces
The unbeliever pulled his trigger first;
And fearing, from the braggart's ugly faces,
The whizzing lead had whizz'd its very worst,
Ran up, and with a DUELISTIC fear
(His ire evanishing like morning vapors),
Found nim possess'd of one remaining ear,
Who in a manner sudden and uncouth,
Had given, not lent, the other ear to truth;
For while the surgeon was applying lint,
He, wriggling, cried--"The deuce is in't--Sir! I MEANT--CAPERS!"
JULIA.
SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE.
--medio de fonte leporum
Surgit amari aliquid.--Lucret.
Julia was blest with beauty, wit, and grace:
Small poets loved to sing her blooming face.
Before her altars, lo! a numerous train
Preferr'd their vows; yet all preferr'd in vain.
Till charming Florio, born to conquer, came,