The Humourous Poetry of the English Language

328
II.
But now, I will own, I feel rather inclined
To suspect I've some reason to alter my mind;
And the doubt in my breast daily grows a more strong one,
That they're not QUITE alike, and I've taken the wrong one.
Jane is always so gentle, obliging, and cool;
Never calls me a monster--not even a fool;
All our little contentions, 'tis she makes them up,
And she knows how much sugar to put in my cup:--
Yes, I sometimes HAVE wished--Heav'n forgive me the flaw!--
That my very dear wife was my sister-in-law.
III.
Oh, your sister-in-law, is a dangerous thing!
The daily comparisons, too, she will bring!
Wife--curl-papered, slip-shod, unwashed and undressed;
She--ringleted, booted, and "fixed in her best;"
Wife--sulky, or storming, or preaching, or prating;
She--merrily singing, or laughing, or chatting:
Then the innocent freedom her friendship allows
To the happy half-way between mother and spouse.
In short, if the Devil e'er needs a cat's-paw,
He can't find one more sure than a sister-in-law.
IV.
That no good upon earth can be had undiluted
Is a maxim experience has seldom refuted;
And preachers and poets have proved it is so
With abundance of tropes, more or less apropos.
Every light has its shade, every rose has its thorn,
The cup has its head-ache, its poppy the corn,
There's a fly in the ointment, a spot on the sun--
In short, they've used all illustrations--but one;
And have left it to me the most striking to draw--
Viz.: that none, without WIVES, can have SISTERS-IN-LAW.