The Humourous Poetry of the English Language

332
And satisfy its numerous demands,
I think 'twill save us many a vain expense,
If on our wedding cards this Notice stands,
"At Home, at Ballarat, just three months hence!"
A SCENE ON THE AUSTRIAN FRONTIER.
PUNCH.
"Dey must not pass!" was the warning cry of the Austrian sentinel
To one whose little knapsack bore the books he loved so well
"Thev must not pass? Now, wherefore not?" the wond'ring tourist cried;
"No English book can pass mit me;" the sentinel replied.
The tourist laughed a scornful laugh; quoth he, "Indeed, I hope
There are few English books would please a Kaiser or a Pope;
But these are books in common use: plain truths and facts they tell--"
"Der Teufel! Den dey MOST NOT pass!" said the startled sentinel.
"This Handbook to North Germany, by worthy Mr. MURRAY,
Need scarcely put your government in such a mighty flurry;
If tourists' handbooks be proscribed, pray have you ever tried
To find a treasonable page in Bradshaws Railway Guide?
This map, again, of Switzerland--nay, man, you needn't start or
Look black at such a little map, as if't were Magna Charta;
I know it is the land of TELL, but, curb your idle fury--
We've not the slightest hope, to-day, to find a TELL in your eye
(Uri)."
"Sturmwetter!" said the sentinel, "Come! cease dis idle babbles!
Was ist dis oder book I see? Das Haus mit sieben Gabbles?
I nevvare heard of him bifor, ver mosh I wish I had,
For now Ich kann nicht let him pass, for fear he should be bad.
Das Haus of Commons it must be; Ja wohl! 'tis so, and den
Die Sieben Gabbles are de talk of your chief public men;
Potzmiekchen! it is dreadful books. Ja! Ja! I know him well;
Hoch Himmel! here he most not pass:" said the learned sentinel.
"Dis PLATO, too, I ver mosh fear, he will corrupt the land,
He has soch many long big words, Ich kann nicht onderstand."