The Humourous Poetry of the English Language

231
That thou a pair of horns hadst got,
With eyes like saucers staring!
And then a pair of ears so stout,
A monstrous tail and hairy snout,
With claws beyond comparing.
Taught to avoid the paths of evil,
By day I used to dread the devil,
And trembling when 'twas night,
Methought I saw thy horns and ears,
They sung or whistled to my fears,
And ran to chase my fright.
And every night I went to bed,
I sweated with a constant dread,
And crept beneath the rug;
There panting, thought that in my sleep
Thou slyly in the dark wouldst creep,
And eat me, though so snug.
A haberdasher's shop is thine,
With sins of all sorts, coarse and fine,
To suit both man and maid:
Thy wares they buy, with open eyes;
How cruel then, with constant cries,
To vilify thy trade!
To speak the truth, indeed, I'm loath--
Life's deemed a mawkish dish of broth,
Without thy aid, old sweeper;
So mawkish, few will put it down,
Even from the cottage to the crown,
Without thy salt and pepper.
O Satan, whatsoever geer,
Thy Proteus form shall choose to wear,
Black, red, or blue, or yellow;
Whatever hypocrites may say,
They think thee (trust my honest lay)
A most bewitching fellow.