The Humourous Poetry of the English Language

327
CANTO THE SECOND.
MATRIMONY.
Now MRS. PRINGLE, once for all, I say
I will not such extravagance allow!
Bills upon bills, and larger every day,
Enough to drive a man to drink, I vow!
Bonnets, gloves, frippery and trash--nay, nay,
Tears, MRS. PRINGLE, will not gull me now--
I say I won't allow ten pounds a week;
I can't afford it; madam, do not speak!
In wedding you I thought I had a treasure;
I find myself most miserably mistaken!
You rise at ten, then spend the day in pleasure;--
In fact, my confidence is slightly shaken.
Ha! what's that uproar? This, ma'am, is my leisure;
Sufficient noise the slumbering dead to waken!
I seek retirement, and I find--a riot;
Confound those children, but I'll make them quiet!
CONCERNING SISTERS-IN-LAW.
PUNCH.
I.
They looked so alike as they sat at their work,
(What a pity it is that one isn't a Turk!)
The same glances and smiles, the same habits and arts,
The same tastes, the same frocks, and (no doubt) the same hearts
The same irresistible cut in their jibs,
The same little jokes, and the same little fibs--
That I thought the best way to get out of my pain
Was by--HEADS for Maria, and WOMAN for Jane;
For hang ME if it seemed it could matter a straw,
Which dear became wife, and which sister-in-law.