The Humourous Poetry of the English Language

137
And she mixes a stiff glass of "Cold Without."
Then again she began at the "poor dear" man;
She press'd him to drink, and she press'd him to eat,
And she brought a foot-pan, with hot water and bran,
To comfort his "poor dear" travel-worn feet.
"Nor night nor day since he'd been away,
Had she had any rest," she "vow'd and declared."
She "never could eat one morsel of meat,
For thinking how 'poor dear' Gengulphus fared."
She "really did think she had not slept a wink
Since he left her, although he'd been absent so long,"
Here he shook his head,--right little he said,
But he thought she was "coming it rather too strong."
Now his palate she tickles with the chops and the pickles
Till, so great the effect of that stiff gin grog,
His weaken'd body, subdued by the toddy,
Falls out of the chair, and he lies like a log.
Then out comes the Clerk from his secret lair;
He lifts up the legs, and she lifts up the head,
And, between them, this most reprehensible pair
Undress poor Gengulphus and put him to bed.
Then the bolster they place athwart his face,
And his night-cap into his mouth they cram;
And she pinches his nose underneath the clothes,
Till the "poor dear soul" goes off like a lamb.
* * * * *
And now they tried the deed to hide;
For a little bird whisper'd "Perchance you may swing;
Here's a corpse in the case, with a sad swell'd face,
And a Medical Crowner's a queer sort of thing!"
So the Clerk and the wife, they each took a knife,
And the nippers that nipp'd the loaf-sugar for tea;
With the edges and points they sever'd the joints