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MY BELOVED IS MINE AND I AM HIS: SELF-KNOWLEDGE IN THE ...

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pleases them and avoid what makes them sad.” 196 The thoughts of superiority the monk<br />

enjoys when he contemplates his supposed inferiors are of course far more pleasant those<br />

thoughts of jealousy and self-contempt that come with considering his supposed<br />

superiors. So, in the third step of pride, inepta laetitia or false joy, the curious and<br />

emotionally unstable monk restrains his curious gaze so that he might see only what he<br />

wants to see, only those sights and sounds that gratify his ever-growing love of his own<br />

superiority: “He restrains his curiosity from everything that reveals his own vileness or<br />

another’s excellence that he might instead curiously note everything in which he seems to<br />

excel others and always hide from his gaze everything in which he is excelled by<br />

another.” 197 By this selective, self-serving manipulation of curiosity, the monk enters a<br />

delusional but pleasant world of his own imagining in which all that he sees and hears<br />

around him serves only to boost his growing sense of his own moral and spiritual<br />

superiority.<br />

In the two steps that follow this inepta laetitiae, namely iactantia and<br />

singularitas, the monk who has manipulated his curiosity to gratify his self-conceit now<br />

in turn manipulates his brethren through his misuse of his words and deeds. Though<br />

Bernard does not explicitly say so, it seems that, at this stage, the monk is not yet entirely<br />

convinced of the truth of the new and far more gratifying self-image he has fashioned for<br />

himself. The new self-understanding his amor propriae excellentiae has proposed for his<br />

belief is indeed appealing, but is it in fact true? Faced with this dilemma, the monk now<br />

196 Hum 40 (III, 46): “Proprium est superborum, laeta semper appetere et tristia devitare.”<br />

197 Hum 40 (III, 46-47): “Ex illa denique parte, qua sua sibi vilitas et aliena excellentia monstratur,<br />

restringit curiositatem, ut totum se transferat in contrariam partem, quatenus in quo ipse videtur praecellere,<br />

curiosius notet, in quo alter praecellit, semper dissimulet.”<br />

132

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